Sassy's World

Mega Dork

2008-07-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Had to share... keep watching until the end!

Invasion of the Purse Snatchers

2008-07-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

My next blog was going to cover my vacation road trip through Ohio but sometimes life gets in the way and you have something more immediate to say. So here's the story:

It was after pole dancing class and Jen, Monica and I decided to go get a drink at the Village Inn in Sylvania (nice area.) We sat outside because it was a warm night. Soon Monica got tired and left as it was starting to get dark, Jen and I stayed for a few more drinks.

We were talking, laughing, drinking... when all of a sudden I see this hand reach over my shoulder and grab my purse... which was sitting right in front of me on the table. At first I thought it was a joke, maybe somebody I knew messing with me. But as I heard the feet pounding farther away I realized I'd just been robbed!

It's been awhile since I moved so fast, trying to run down two teenage boys (and I say boys because they were very very young.) But I was wearing crappy shoes, and I'm not exactly a long distance runner. Knowing I was falling behind, I did the only thing I could think of... I shouted obscenities and tried to get a good description of the punks.

Walking back to the bar I saw several other distraught women jogging toward me (man I must have been moving fast,) seems the assholes had gotten more than just my purse. When I got back Jen was on the phone with the cops, she had reached for her phone the second I took off. Within minutes Sylvania cop cars were all over the place looking for the thieves.

I called JR(with Jen's phone) and left a message since I had no keys, no wallet, no cellphone. I think I was most upset about my phone. The other stuff can be replaced (although I knew it'd be a pain in the ass) but the only phone numbers I know by heart are JR's, my parents, and work.

Anyway, thank god the bartender had gotten an upclose look at the kids, she had kicked them out a few times already that night. So she went with the police who actually had a pretty good idea who the robbers were (guess there was a big party with kids going on down the street) to ID the suspects. At this point Jen just kept handing me drinks, which I was slamming back.

JR showed up about the same time the cops came back... now with a brown evidence bag in hand. They asked for Elaine.. which threw me for a second until I realized they probably meant me since that's my middle name. With rubber gloves on the (sweet) cop gingerly pulled my purse out of the bag... wallet, cellphone, and keys... all there, but out of place. Apparently the kid dropped it in the nearby church parking lot because we were chasing him.

The officer had me go through my stuff to see what was missing. Three bucks, some change... and my sense of security was all I lost last night. He asked me if I wanted to press charges, my answer... "Hell Yes."

I was so relieved to get everything important back, but I felt bad for the other girl who was robbed. They found her wallet, but not her purse. Still, they captured one of the purse snatchers (the one who grabbed mine) and you know he'll squeal on his friend.

I've got to hand it to the Sylvania PD, I'm not a fan of cops, but they were all over this incident and did a really good job catching the bad guys. I thought I was safe in Sylvania, lesson learned. But on the same note if this had happened in Toledo I doubt the police would have been so quick to respond.

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd blog and catch everyone up on my life. We went up north, to Mt. Pleasant, Michigan for a friend's wedding back in June. Mt. P is the home of Central Michigan University, where we went to college. JR goes up there all the time since his parents live nearby, but I haven't been since Thanksgiving. While it was only a weekend trip, it felt like a summer vacation. I took a ton of pictures as we revisted our old haunts.

Here's a map, Mt. Pleasant is located in central Michigan (under the flying "C") which is about 3 hours north of Toledo.

Our first stop was one of our favorite restaurants.

We used to go here for special dates, like birthdays and anniversaries. It was a delight to go again after so long (although the food wasn't as good as I remembered.) It was a totally new experience, we had forgotten all the little things... like the waitress writing her name upside down in crayon on the table.

The next day we hung out at his parent's house.

His parents love being outside, and it shows.

They live on 40 acres and have a huge pole barn...

filled with tons of toys...

including JR's baby...

an '85 Chevy 4X4.

We went for a ride.

Then cleaned up for our friend's wedding. It was beautiful.

But sunny. Only 15 minutes without sunblock and I got a nasty sunburn (the line is from my dress strap, which is pulled down.)

Sun aside, we had a great time and got to hang out with friends we hadn't seen since our wedding.

And oh yeah, it was one of "those" weddings.

After the wedding came the bar(s). The first stop was the downtown bar where the groom works. They've added on since I was last there, but it still feels the same. Whenever I'm there I can't help but hear Toby Keith's song "I Love this Bar" playing in my head.

We met up with some other friends and hopped over to the new piano bar in town.

Then we were hungry, so we hit up another college favorite, always open.

Est. 1973

The next day, more food at the Hunan House buffett (best Chinese food in the world) then a tour through campus.

Before heading out of town. I used to work at this 7/11.

It was wonderful to get away from Toledo and hang out with some of my favorite people. I miss them all so much. Coming back to Ohio was really hard. The trip made JR and I realize how much we love Mountain Town, and while we know things will never be the same as when we were in college, I think we would both be a lot happier if we moved back. Maybe we'll get the chance some day.

Duck Watch '08

2008-05-28T12:09:00.001-07:00

More duck drama to report. If you recall, two winters ago I became very upset after seeing a clearly injured duck hanging out at the pond at my apartment. Sadly it was a tale that did not end well. One day he just disappeared, the poor guy either froze to death or was eaten after the pond iced over. Flash forward to this spring when the ducks returned, mated, and went off the lay eggs. I waited patiently to see the yearly crop of cute ducklings when a few weeks ago I was rewarded with the sight of at least 10 baby ducks and their mom swimming around. A few Geese and their hatchlings have also moved into the neighborhood.

Then about two or three days ago I noticed a few ducklings wandering around, but couldn't see any adults with them. Well, yesterday my fears were confirmed when just 5 baby ducks waddled over to underneath our balcony. The group couldn't be more than a few weeks old and they're already orphaned. I have no idea what happened to mommy or the other five babies, but I have several suspicions.

Feeling bad for the hungry babies I got some bread and tossed it down to them. Pretty soon an adult male duck flew in check out the food situation. I got nervous thinking he would run off the little ones. After all male ducks have no part in raising their young (I looked it up) and I've seen them get violent with each other (I'm pretty sure I witnessed a gay duck rape.) Anyway, my fears turned out to be pointless because as soon as the adult went for the bread one of the babies charged him, and the big guy backed down.

As the male duck waddled away from the scrappy orphans I noticed he was limping. Upon closer inspection I saw that the poor guy is missing a foot! We've decided to call him "gimpy" and pretend he's a pirate. But I think there is a sadder twist to his story. I think "gimpy" is really the ducklings dad. He sticks pretty close to them, although his single dad skills suck.

Since he can fly I'm not too worried about his health. The babies should also be all right. The entire pond community seems to be tolerating them and even looking out for them. Last night we heard an awful ruckus from the geese, turns out the fox was out patrolling the area. And while I know it's survival of the fittest and the circle of life and all that crap, I still wanted to stop the predator from getting his teeth on our ducks (and geese.) I don't know if he got any, but I haven't seen the babies yet today.

I've decided to stop feeding them anyway. White bread holds no nutrition for the growing ducklings, and the less human interference they receive the better off they will be. Cross your fingers that they'll all make it this time!

Parental Guidance

2008-04-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

They say you can never go home again, and while that's true, you can stop in for a visit. I got my wedding video this week and since my parents only live an hour away I decided to take them a copy and spend some time with them. I love my parents, they have always been there and always offered support.

My sister and I always talk about how lucky we are to have such great people as parents. I often think about thanking them for everything they've done. From raising me right, giving me every advantage, and for always making me feel loved.

But despite all my nostalgic musings things never go as planned. For some reason no matter how hard I try, whenever I get together with my parents I turn back into that surly 16 year old who just wants to be left alone. I cross my arms and answer their questions with a bored tone... I complain about what's on TV... I argue with my mother about her views on current events.

It's like a switch gets flipped and all my promises to myself to tell my folks how much I appreciate them get pushed aside. My sister says the same thing happens to her, and I've seen my husband do it with his parents. Maybe it's just an ingrained action... like Pavlov’s dog. Whatever it is, I hope they realize how much they mean to me.

Final Spin

2008-04-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe 8 weeks went by so fast, but here I am... feeling sexy and without a pole. Class is over, only there was no final exam so I'm not quite sure how I did. My goals at the beginning were to gain confidence and a social life, plus get into better shape.

Well I know how I scored on the last one… pretty damn good. I'm not a toned Goddess, but I have more strength than I can remember ever having (even if that means I also have bruises I've never had before.) Sure I still jiggle but it's not as bad as when I started. Plus, let's face it... I will ALWAYS jiggle… even if I weigh 100 pounds... it's part of my genetic make-up.

So what about my social life? Well, I'm not sure if it's the class or the end of winter but it sure seems like I've been going out more with different people. Maybe I'm just putting more effort into it, but I like it.

As for my confidence, I'll give myself a solid "C." I do stand up for myself more but I have a ways to go. It's nice to have a little more spring in my step and know I could put a man on his knees with a few sexy moves. Although I already have JR and he has always been crazy about me.

Still, I secretly fantasize about having everyone I think treats me badly (boys and girls) come and watch me dance. I want to show them I do have power and that there is so much more to me than what they see at work. Right now I'm just jonesing bad for the pole and it's only been a day. I've even considered buying a portable one I can use at home (however I don't think the Rents would approve.) It's a silly thing to want, considering I'm basically a novice. And even though I have performed all the moves at least once, I still need a lot of work.

But never fear... I have a solution. I've signed up for the next session... now if I can just make it until the end of the month!

Shrinking

2008-04-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

Apparently JR and I will make terrible parents.

We decided to try growing some sprouting garlic bulbs a few weeks ago. If they lived we thought we’d try a pet, and then eventually a kid. Sadly, I don’t think the garlic is going to make it. They were doing well until we moved them into some new dirt... now they’re shriveling up and turning brown. Today, I set the pot in the sun on our balcony in a last ditch effort to save them, but I fear it’s too late.

Granted it wasn’t really a plant and we were just experimenting to see what would happen, but I’m still bummed. My mom has always kept plants around the house, and JR grew up on a farm for crying out loud! But it looks like neither one of us has a good green thumb.

On the plus side... the diet is going well. Together JR and I lost 11 pounds this week.. not too shabby!

Hungry for Something

2008-04-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's because I'm sick, or if like many things in my life I've lost the motivation... but I've hit a road block in class. I didn't go yesterday because I didn't want to infect anyone so I dragged my ass out of bed on my day off to swing around the pole this morning.

The new move we're doing involves tons of upper body strength.. something I have none of. Blame genetics, or a birth defect, but the fact is after 6 weeks I still can't support my own body weight with just my arms. I'm not the only one... but I'm probably the most pathetic.

On the flip side I'm making more friends and actually had a busy weekend (even with work.) Maybe I'm just cranky because I started a diet yesterday... who eats just 1 cup of cereal?!?! Honestly!

Shopping List

2008-03-21T17:35:00.001-07:00

We’re getting a lot of snow tonight so I went to the store after work to pick up the essentials. Here’s what I bought:

Bud Light

Moose Tracks Ice Cream

Tampons

Midol

It’s probably best that JR is out of town this weekend.

Week 3: Up and Down

2008-03-13T01:44:00.000-07:00

So I finally figured out this new blogger stuff. Here's what you all have been missing for the past 6+ months... start where you left off and work your way up.

I should go to bed, but I thought I’d shoot off a quick update on my "dancing" lessons. Things are going great... I mean I still fall on my ass from time to time, but I’m actually making it around the pole more often then not, and I’m starting to add a little sexy attitude to my moves (instead of just squeezing my eyes shut and praying for it to end.)

However, I’m thinking I need to tone down the sexy a little. My parents came to visit today and we went to the mall. While my mother and I were browsing in the book store, a slow song started playing over the intercom. Before I knew it my hips started moving to the music in a very suggestive manner. Thankfully I caught myself before she turned around and saw.

I’ve told my folks I was taking the classes, and besides my mother’s ear shattering scream when I broke the news over the phone... they’ve been fine with it. My dad even offered to help my husband put up a pole in our apartment if it meant he’d get grandkids sooner (swear to god that’s what he said!)

Back to my progress on the pole. I still have bruises, but they don’t bother me as much, nor do the sore muscles. And while I feel like I’m in a lot better shape, I haven’t lost any weight.

As for my social goals, I’m taking baby steps there. During my last class one of the girls came up to me and wanted to be my pole buddy (get your mind out of the gutter.) We had shared a pole in a previous class (there are only so many to go around,) and had gotten along. Of course I was shocked by her request and handled it badly by squeaking out a startled "why?" But we had a blast and laughed and cheered each other on the whole time.

Of course I’m trying to play it cool, giving everyone the diluted version of Sassy(you know, the one where I rarely talk about myself or act like I know everything.) But I can’t quite stamp down "pessimistic" Sassy. She reared her ugly head shortly after I gained my new pole buddy. I’m trying very hard to ignore my suspicions that my new friend only wanted to share the pole with me because I’m one of the worst in the class and just about anyone looks good next to me.

But I won’t let it get me down if she blows me off next time... I’ll just work harder at being friendly with whoever’s around me ^_^*

Original post Feb. 29th, 2008

2008-03-13T01:42:00.000-07:00

Next time I go to a strip club (not that I've ever been) I'm sooo tipping the ladies. In a word, pole dancing is HARD! Now before your mind gets too far in the gutter I should show you the lovely bruises covering my legs... except bending over to roll up my pant legs is a little beyond my abilities tonight.

My first lesson in the art of exotic dancing was last night, and today I'm moving like an old lady who forgot her walker. I'm really regretting not hitting the gym in the past few months (read year.) I've never had much upper body strength... in fact I was the only kid in gym class to never do a single pull-up. I'm also learning that I'm about as flexible as a 2x4.

That aside I'm still really excited about the class. Even while slowly slipping down a giant pole with my legs flaying trying to get a grip... I enjoyed myself and the cheers I got when I finally managed to spin around without flying off. The only thing I was really good at was sticking my butt in the air while slowly lowering my chest to the floor... figures.

The class did bring to light just how low my confidence is right now. I practically grew up on the stage performing and I rarely cared if I made an idiot out of myself. In fact I was usually the first to stand up and try a new move... even if I didn't know what I was doing and fell on my ass. But last night I felt like a hermit crab, wanting nothing more than to slink back into a protective shell every time attention was drawn to me.

The instructor is super sweet (and yes boys, incredibly hot.) She didn't let me give up although I was practically in tears (slamming into a hard surface repeatedly will do that to a girl.) Still, I retreated from her help and am ashamed to say actually gave up a few times out of fear. It made me realize that I've been holding a lot of myself back lately. Everyday at work I feel like a failure, like I didn't do a good enough job... like I have no room to tell others what to do because I'm not perfect either. My mother told me recently that failure was a self-fulfilling prophecy... and she's right. Just like I can't seem to get it together at work, every time I approached the pole thinking I was going to fall on my butt, I did.

So, what did I gain except for a few ill-placed bruises? Too early to tell, but hopefully this class will help me rebuild myself while my muscles grow. And maybe at the end I will be able to hurl myself with gutso at the pole and not care what happens.. then hopefully I can apply that lesson of sexy confidence to the rest of my life.

Original post Feb. 14th, 2008

2008-03-13T01:41:00.001-07:00

If you hadn't noticed I've been in a major funk since shortly after my wedding. Well, I've been looking for ways to change my bad attitude and I think I've found a winner. I'm signing up for a dance class, but not just any dance class... it's a pole dancing class.

That's right, as in a stripper pole.

I started taking dance lessons when I was around 5 or 6 and kept it up until High School where I was in several plays and musicals in which I danced. In fact I still have a pair of tap shoes that fit.

Anyway, I saw this story on another news station one day about the positive impact pole dancing is having on local women. I saw girls much bigger and less graceful then me having a blast and I wished I could be that happy again.

So I called the lady running the dance studio and signed up for a two month long class. I'm trying not to have too many high expectations. It has been a LONG time since I danced and I am way out of shape. But that's not the main reason I'm doing this, it's more about getting out there and meeting people. Even if I don't make friends I'll at least be socializing with people outside of work.

I also want to feel sexy again. I want to be that confident person I once was. The person who knew who she was and loved herself. This depression shit has got to go.

Original post on Feb. 4th 2008

2008-03-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

Well, we're a month into the new year and I thought this would be a great time to update how my resolutions are going. If you recall I posted these well before New Years so I got a head start on some of them.

1) Grow a pair (if you don't know what that means... skip down to number 2.)

Working on it. I did stand up for myself today when my boss tried to blame me for my undertrained editor's mistakes... that didn't go over so well and now she probably just thinks I'm being difficult.

2) Lose 10 pounds.

Let's not talk about this one.

3) Get back to writing.

51,000 words and still going strong. I figure I'll be done with my book by summer (fingers crossed) but then comes the editing, which will be a pain in the ass.

4) Kinda tied to 3... Brush up on my English skills.

Um, trying here, but something's wrong with my brain and nothing's sticking. My mother says failure is a self-fulfilling trait.

5) Moisturize.

I tried, but my skin rebels everytime I do.

6) On Ebay.

I haven't sold anything yet, but I am getting boxes around and trying to pick out books I can part with.

7) Socialize.

So far so good. But I'm still sadly lacking in company other than JR. I need friends in Toledo dammit!

8) Forget it Baby.

The baby bug has gone away for now. I need to find a way to make me happy before I bring another life in the world. No need to fuck my kids up from birth if I can help it.

9) Doing Time.

Work is actually worse for me in 2008. It's a snowball effect right now and I'm really struggling to make it through each day. Seems like everytime I turn around I'm getting knocked on my ass again. I need to learn to cope with things better or else my fragile mental condition will morph into a full blown disorder and I'll end up on expensive drugs.

10) ...

My original list did not have a number ten and neither does this one. I have enough on my plate as it is.

Not exactly a positive start to the year. I wish I could say I have faith it will get better, but I don't. Can I go cry in a corner now?

Original post on Dec. 3rd 2007

2008-03-13T01:38:00.000-07:00

So I've decided since every other Holiday has come early this year.. I'm going to get a jump start on New Years by releasing my list of Resolutions.

1) Grow a pair (if you don't know what that means... skip down to number 2.)

My mother has always told me I need to take an assertiveness class, and as much as I hate to admit her advice is ever accurate, she's right. My whole life I've been a "pleaser," and before your mind goes in the gutter, that means I strive to make those around me happy and content.. no matter the discomfort or embarrassment to myself.

2) Lose 10 pounds.

Actually that was last year's goal and should now be amended to 15 since I never lost it and I've gained some weight since the wedding (damn ice cream.)

3) Get back to writing.

I actually miss working on my book... a lot. I gave it up during wedding planning and the new job... but now I think I might be able to devote some real time it. The only obstacle is the fact that my job IS writing and sometimes I come home completely drained of creativity (I mean how many different ways can I say it's cold and cloudy out.. stay tuned to see if it'll be that way tomorrow..?)

4) Kinda tied to 3... Brush up on my English skills.

Again, I write everyday but am amazed by how often I get basic grammar or spelling wrong. Most of the time it's not that serious.. or I can excuse it as having to write in a hurry... but when a boo-boo makes its way on-air, it can be a big deal.

5) Moisturize.

My wedding beauty rituals have ended and I'm back to graying hair, pasty white skin, and bushy... eyebrows. But that doesn't mean I should give up on taking care of my skin, and while I won't be gunking up with three types of creams every night, it wouldn't hurt to slap on some Jergens every once in awhile.

6) On Ebay.

I've racked up quite the collection of romance novels this past year... and with JR and I sharing a one bedroom apartment he's probably sick of seeing half naked men staring up at him from every end table and bookshelf in the place. So, I've decided with a little organization I can unload some of my girly porn and recoup a couple bucks for my (sometimes) expensive habit.

7) Socialize.

Despite being a giddy newlywed.. I do get lonely working weekends and living far away from friends (especially when JR isn't around.) My goal this year is to go out at least once a month and interact with people who aren't my husband. Even if it's us and another couple or someone from work.

8) Forget it Baby.

For some reason my biological clock has been screaming at me and I have a mild case of the baby bug. Mostly I use it to tease and frighten my hubby.. but when I see cute baby stuff in catalogs I sometimes go into a mini coma of baby bliss. I think what appeals to me the most is being able to eat again without feeling guilty.

9) Doing Time.

I must accept that I signed away two years of my life to the hell known as Producing and there is nothing I can do about it until February of 2009. I just have to grin and bear it and stop imagining ways out of my contract (see 8)

10) ...

I actually can't think of anything else.. I think 9 are enough for now.

Original post on Oct. 10th 2007

2008-03-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

So it's Fall (and finally feeling like it,) and since it's a season of change... I thought this would be a perfect time to blog about all the recent changes in my life.

To start, the Wedding was perfect, and the Honeymoon was awesome. In the days after all the craziness I had so much I wanted to share about those days... But as the specifics begin to fade with time, I'm left behind with only a few photos (still waiting for proofs from photog) praise from friends, and a general feeling of bliss to share.

Still, moments hit me at really weird times and I'll have a shockingly vivid memory of that time. Next thing I know I'm giggling like a school girl or grinning from ear to ear (thank you JR's escape plan.) I also have a few "d'oh" moments (like mixing up some of my Dad's cousins, sorry.)

The most common question I get is if it feels any different to be married. It's a tough question for me because the answer is yes, and no. No, because JR and I have been together for so long. Yes, because I do feel a bit more free and confident about our relationship. But in reality the whole "Husband" and "Wife" bit will take some time to sink in.

Being the "Wife" I've decided to be traditional and change my last name. I had to keep my old name through the Honeymoon because that's how we booked the trip, but now that I'm back I'm trying to get it all ironed out. I have my major documents changed.. but am still working on contacting all the people I need to. I've just been working a lot lately and haven't been motivated.

Which brings me to my next area of change, my job. Really it hasn't changed much. I'm getting faster at writing, but still make mistakes. The difference now is that I don't let it bother me as much. Might be because I'm married now and consider work only a small part of what's important in my life.

**This is the part where I have to add a disclaimer that the views expressed in my blog in no way reflect the views of my employer or company (they sent out a letter telling us we have to have that if we Blog.)

Finally, my appearance. I'm trying not to let myself "go to pot" now that I'm an old married lady. But it is nice to be able to eat ice cream again. And I got a cute haircut to mark the end of my beauty regime. So it's back to plain Jane now that I've had my day of glamour. I'm just not cut out for all the time, money, and maintenance it takes to be stunning all the time.

Original post Sept. 19th, 2007

2008-03-13T01:34:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, hours from my big day, and don't I feel special. I'm in my ratty underwear sitting on towels watching Star Wars movies while my "tan" dries with kleenex shoved up my nose because I'm sick and can't blow it without screwing up my color.

I'm just a freaking beautiful, glowing, happy Bride-to-Be. Not to mention I just bit JR's head off over the phone (oh yeah, and it's THAT time of the month too.) God, I'm a wreck. The planning was going so well I didn't believe everyone who told me "something" would go wrong before the wedding. I thought I could anticipate any problems and just go with the flow (no pun intended) if things went wrong. But I NEVER guessed my health would be a factor.

Now I just want to crawl in a hole and make the world go away. But, I am determined to enjoy my wedding. So for those of you coming.. if I seem loopy it's probably just the crapload of drugs I'll be taking. Wish me luck!

Original post Sept. 18th, 2007

2008-03-13T01:33:00.002-07:00

Betrayed. By my own body.

With only three days until the wedding I've hit a road block... I'm sick. So the gazillion things I had to do have taken a back seat to sleeping. Only, it's not helping much. I'm pretty sure it's just a sinus infection, but can't be for sure since the rest of me feels crummy too.

Already I canceled my spray-tan appointment, but I absolutely have to do it tomorrow. Time is running out and I just have to accept that some things just won't get done since most of them are things only I can do.

I'm not sure how I got sick, but I'm sure the 4 hours of sleep a night average of the past week didn't help. Maybe it's my body's way of saying "slow the hell down." Well I have, but it sucks and I don't see how I can heal when my stress level is so high.

Original post Sept. 16th, 2007

2008-03-13T01:33:00.001-07:00

It's weird how as the days count down to the wedding, I get less nervous. For now anyway. I have so much left to do, and yet it feels like I'm almost done. So much could still go wrong (i.e. the marriage licence has yet to go through,) but right now I'm just excited.

That's propably because it's Sunday and I can't make the gazillion phone calls I need to make until tomorrow. I'm trying to get the little things done like packing for the Honeymoon, and cleaning the apartment before my sister gets here.

I lucked out and only have to work Monday and Tuesday this week. Just about every minute of the next six days is planned out. I think producing the news has gone a long way in helping me organize the wedding. Like my job, it's a stressful race to the finish and despite all my careful planning I know something will go wrong.

Everyone warning me that stuff will go wrong, and I keep saying I know. I've long stopped trying to guess what will get screwed up... but I have tried to think of back-ups for everything. Again, this is where my job training comes in handy since being flexible and making last minute changes are all part of the game.

What I haven't given much thought to, until now, is how it'll feel to stand in front of everyone in a white dress and exchange vows with the man of my dreams. Honestly, when I try to picture that moment it's a little fuzzy. I still don't see myself in the "Bridal" role. All this planning and obsessing and I can't grasp that "I'm the Bride pay attention to me" feeling. For me a lot of the preparring has been about the guests.

The only way I've focused on me, is with my beauty plan. But I consider that more about torture then being pampered (got waxed again yesterday.. yikes.)

I just want everyone to have a good time.

Original post on Aug. 14th 2007

2008-03-13T01:32:00.001-07:00

Ok folks, lets get personal.

I have to give credit where credit is due. So, to all the 5'9'' big breasted, hair extension wearing, flawless skinned, white teethed, tanned, french manicured, sized 2 women in the world.. I applaud you.

Only you, could have the patience of a saint to sit through a two hour hair color appointment and not get bored. Only you, don't have to try on 30 bras in one day to find one that doesn't give you arm-pit fat. Only you, enjoy slathering your skin daily with three different kinds of lotion. And only you, have the Will Power to say "no" to a Vanilla Frosty from Wendys.

In case you haven't guessed my "beauty regiment" is picking up in these last weeks before my wedding. Actually it started over a month ago with the hotly debated tanning fiasco. I haven't given up hope that a spray tan will work, but I'm still a little gun-shy about the process. That, and I'm not in a big hurry to stand topless in front of a stranger and have them spray cold mist over sensitive areas again.

Meantime.. I've been using several creams to tone my skin.. hoping that I can lessen the "jiggle" factor of my fleshy pale parts... without covering up with fake color. While I've seen some pretty amazing results (thank you Nivea Anti-Cellulite Gel,) it's a pain in the ass to make sure I use it everyday (although it has done wonders to that area.)

Then last week, I got a major beauty bug and decided to finally do something about my rapidly graying hair by getting it professionally dyed. While I was there, I decided to go for broke and change my color back to the darker shade it was before my hair rebelled in college. I'm almost happy with the result.. it turned out a bit redder than I would have liked, but I still have time to fix it.

Which brings me to other... um... areas in need of hair attention. Without being graphic lets just say I wanted to do a test run with hair removal before my honeymoon. Wouldn't want the hotel pool evacuated because of a suspicious looking rash. Again, I went to a professional. Ladies a piece of advice, when you walk into a salon and they offer you wine.. TAKE IT! You do not want to be sober while a cute Asian woman rips off several layers of your skin.

I'm very proud of myself for not crying. Although in reality, I should have kept my mouth shut while my torturer started complaining about her favorite TV show being interrupted by local severe weather coverage. It wasn't *really* my fault my station cut into programing while I was producing. Still, I don't think she was very understanding and I have the uneven lines to prove it.

Today was the search for the perfect bra to wear under my wedding dress. I'm not an overly modest person, but it's a bit unnerving to have at least three people take a tape measure to your chest in one day. It would help if any of them wound up with the same measurements. The worst was Victoria Secret. For some reason the *perky* 18 year-old clerks didn't understand why a strapless bra with only one hook in the back wouldn't give me enough support. Guess they skipped that science leason about gravity.

Tomorrow is my second dress fitting. I had hoped to lose about 5 pounds since last month's fitting... but I only managed 1 or 2. I'm disappointed in myself for not keeping up with my gym... I think it could have made a big difference. If not in actual pounds, then at least in firmness. Still, I'm looking good considering where I came from almost three years ago.

Later this week, I'm attempting a seven day at home tooth whitening program.. wish me luck ^_^*

Accio Decision

2007-07-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

I need help (not THAT kind.)

There are about 30 great pictures of us for our engagement, and I can't seem to narrow it down. I made a slideshow.. please, please, please help me by telling me which three you like best. It'd be even better if you told me your fav.

Thanks so much!!!

P.S. I'm confused about the ending to Harry Potter.. anyone else?

Happy Anniversary...

2007-07-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

to me!

Well, not really. Hard to believe that it was only a year ago that I moved to Toledo. But here I am, one year later. Looking back it hasn't been all that bad, but it hasn't been good either.
Living with JR for the first time has been the ultimate test of our relationship, and I'm happy to say we've passed with flying colors. I think being together has only improved our bond and made us an unstoppable force. We were always good together, but now we're FANTASTIC.

Maybe that explains why other areas of my life feel so lacking.. it seems I can't have it both ways. I can't be with the man I love and be content with everything else. For so long I was focused only on finding a way to be with JR. I used to swear I would do ANYTHING to be with him more. Now that I've accomplished that, I feel as though I may have sold my soul to the devil.. dramatic yes, but so is my declining mental health.

Right now, I'm just trying to survive day by day that I sometimes miss the great moments with my man. What good is being with him if I can't enjoy him?

As I see it there are several acceptable ways out of my situation.. and I'd really rather not speak them aloud (or type) just yet. Another option.. we could just pack up and move back to Michigan and be with our friends and family... but at what cost? There are no jobs for JR and I can't support us.

So the real question I ask myself everyday.. is all the bullshit I face everyday worth the being able to live with JR in a fashion we've become accustomed to? Or is the price just too high? Right now the scales are balanced in favor of keeping the status quo.. but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. I'm so close to breaking it's not even funny.

But I will let everything go if my mental state starts to impact the peace and happiness I've found with JR.. I will NOT sacrifice my relationship with him. And anyone who thinks he shouldn't be my top priority can just FUCK OFF! (sorry that got a little violent at the end, but I've felt backed into a corner lately.)

Score card: (Grade on left from last year.. on right is current grades)

Romance: B-/A+
Body: B-/B
Home: F/A
Social Standing: A-/C
Job: B/D+

You tell me if you think it's worth it? What's the most important element in your life? Has that changed from a year ago?

P.S. i finally figured out my stupid password!

Start getting excited Bitch!

2007-03-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah.. long time - no read.

It's official, I am getting married.

Yes, I know I announced that tidbit almost a year ago.. but today was the first time I actually got excited about my wedding day (I've been excited about the marriage for a long time.) You see, today I bought my wedding dress.

And shoes and veil and jewelry.. David's Bridal was having a sale. I didn't plan on walking out of the store today with my dress.. but I couldn't ignore the Karma that was practically hurled at me.

To start, when I went in they told me they only had one copy of the dress I wanted. At first I thought I was going to be in big trouble since she told me the dress they had was a size smaller than I needed and it probably couldn't be ordered since it was a discontinued dress.

But I tried it on anyway.. much to my surprise it zipped and fit like a glove (still, it wouldn't hurt for me to lose another five or ten pounds.) If that wasn't a big enough sign I found the perfect necklace to match my flowers and it was also the only one left in the store like it. Oh, and the dress was over $200 off and all the accessories were on sale.

I left the store with almost my entire wedding outfit for less than I expected to pay for the dress alone. And since it'll need very few alterations it's as if it was destined to be mine.

Finally something is falling into place for me. Life has been beyond crazy for me. As busy as I've been lately I've felt like I'm living in seclusion (still no net.. but I'm hoping to change that by the end of the month.)

My new job it so-so. So far my bad and good days are about equal. Besides making stupid mistakes, my biggest stressor right now with Producing is gaining/losing the respect of those around me.

I've gotten mixed reviews on my Producing. Plenty of those on the production side have told me I'm doing great... but, although no one has said anything to my face, I get the feeling that those on the news side are less than impressed. I KNOW I have a lot to learn.. but at this point I'm still fighting against the P.A. label (which I still work as 2 or 3 days a week.. as well as Produce,) which is almost worse than being an unknown.

I could go on and on but there really is too much.

To sum up.. my life is now more financially stable.. but socially speaking I'm a wreck.. oh and JR and I are doing great.. or at least I think we are. We only see each other 45 minutes on average everyday, but maybe that's for the best.

to the East Side

2007-01-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, I'm moving on up. After 7 months as a PA I have finally gotten a position as a Producer. Well, it's not official yet since I haven't signed a contract or anything, but I did get a laminated card with all the Producer keyboard commands on it and have set up a training schedule.

The whole thing happened rather quickly. I noticed the position posted on the website one morning at work and after the last cut-in strode into the News Director's office and told him I was interested. He sat me down with the Assistant New Director(formerly the Executive Producer) and she had me do some writing samples. I also wrote a critique of the 6pm newscast and shadowed the weekend producer.

Yesterday she told me she thought I'd make a good producer and we just had to balance my training with my PA duties until my current boss could find a replacement. Of all the people in the newsroom she was by far the best person to judge me for Producer ability. We had worked together before she became Asst. ND and she had seen me kick some ass a few times. A few times I even saved her ass by jumping in and helping edit the video for the show. So really she's seen me at my best.

I'm scared and not afraid to say it. Oh, it's not that I think I can't do the job, I know I can, but the learning process is hard. I don't like people being mad or yelling at me (although I won't cry if they do.. at least not in front of them.) For those who know me you know my fear is really about the unknown and making mistakes and not the challange.

But despite that I'm super excited. I have no idea what the pay is, but honestly I don't care.. too much. Right now I'm not even break 10K a year.. before taxes, so 40 hrs and benefits even with my current pay rate would be wonderful. I'm not broke, but let's just say I would have been by the time I got married. Needless to say JR and I are breathing a huge sigh of relief about that.

Not that I took the position just for the money (it's a HUGE factor though,) I also know that I was wasting away as a PA. So wish me luck folks, and any News peeps out there with advice, please share!

The Short List

2007-01-16T12:11:00.000-08:00

Again I have to say sorry for being out of touch. I feel bad that I've basically dropped off the radar this month and have missed some things going on in my friend's lives.

As for my life... well I'm still breathing, so I guess things are fine. Actually it's been kinda busy for me the past few weeks. The last two weekends JR and I went to Bridal shows in Lansing. And both weekends we ran into some crappy weather, so I'm sorry I didn't make an effort to see anyone.

Post Bridal show I'm a little stressed. After my meltdown a few months back I kinda shoved all wedding planning aside for the sake of my sanity. But now it's only 8 months until the wedding and I need to start getting things locked down. Now- when I need internet more than ever, I still don't have it.

It's my own damn fault for losing my temper and canceling my service. In hindsight I probably should have stuck it out with Verizon. If I had known that my apartment complex has so few options for internet I may have kept my cool longer.

Anyway for those who care, here's a short list of what I've accomplished so far with wedding planning.

1) I have the Ceremony and Reception sites booked
2) I have my Photographer booked
3) We've picked out Tuxedos for the guys
4) I'm 99% sure of my wedding dress
5) I'm 75% sure on my Bridesmaid's dresses
6) I think I have a Videographer
7) And I may have an Officiant

and that's about it. So really, I need to stop typing and get my ass in gear ^_^*

Southern Fried Curry

2007-01-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

First of all I'd like to thank everyone who wished me a Merry Christmas or a happy New Year.. Back atcha!

I suppose it's only fitting that it's a new year and after six months of living in Toledo I find myself back where I started- writing a blog at the public library. That's right folks I'm back to icky keyboards and even ickier kids running around peaking over my shoulder.

To say I'm pissed would be an understatement of massive proportions. But since I only have 45 minutes left on this computer I'll give you the short of it.

Eleven days ago I lost my internet connection. Ten days ago I was assured by several people in India that help was on it's way. Six days ago I sat home awake for over twelve hours and no help arrived. Four days ago I was profusely apologized to by more people in India and told I'd have my internet soon. Two days ago I got a call from a computer voice telling me my internet had been fixed. Today it still wasn't.

So today I called. I talked to Nathan, Amanda, Ian, Mrs. Grant, and another girl in India I couldn't understand, before finally talking to Laura. Laura was able to do what five others couldn't do in 50 minutes-cancel my Verizon service. I almost cried I was so happy to have it over with. But I'm still furious.

During my MANY conversations with tech support over in India (where I couldn't understand half of what they said,) and several frustrating attempts to get the automated operator to understand what I was saying, I accumulated a treasure trove of interesting blog personalities. But since I said I'd keep this short I'll only share my favorite.

During my second call to Verizon four days ago I talked to a DSL technician named Brian. Only, I seriously doubt that was his name. But "Brian" must have thought he was a super stud, because not only did he adopt a very non-Indian name; he finished off the act with a bad southern drawl.

Somehow his "I am apologizing ma'am" became the biggest insult to America I have every heard. It was bad enough to be speaking to someone half a world away, it was down right shitty for that person to act like they were going to pull one over on me and pretend to be American! I don't care how long he works on his accent- it'll never work until he gets the speech pattern right.

I didn't call him out on it though. And that's was the most annoying thing of all, I just couldn't bring myself to yell at a foreigner. The world hates Americans enough as it is, I'm sure as hell not going to add to the bad rap we have as a country.

Besides, what the hell did he care? It's not like I think an American would care more, but at least they'd understand by the way I said things that I was not a happy camper.

So if anyone has a cable/internet/dvr combo please tell me the company. I kinda have to go through a cable internet provider since apparently something's bad with my telephone line. Please excuse any future flakiness regarding the internet from me. I'll check in with everyone when I can.

God Bless the U.S.A.

Sis's three things

2006-12-20T17:01:00.000-08:00

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. The Dark
2. Scary Movies
3. Chalk (actually it makes me feel like barfing to think about or touch the stuff..ick.)

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. My Family
2. Sports
3. Child Abusers

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to speak another language flawlessly
2. Good will towards others
3. How to drive a stick shift (I agree with you Sis)

THREE THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Monkey PJs
2. White tank top
3. Socks

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
(I don't have a desk so I'll go with what's on my coffee table)
1. Light-up Coaster
2. A coffee table book about weird places in Ohio
3. My feet

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Finish one of my books(and get it published...but I'll settle for it being done)
2. Have kids
3. Be important in some way

THREE GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. I have a healthy sense of humor
2. I'm loyal
3. I'll go out of my way to please someone I care about

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. I'm a huge pushover with very little backbone
2. I’m good at talking about myself, but bad about asking others about themselves (It's not that I don't care, it's just that I'm so straight forward about myself I figure if someone wants to talk about something they'll come out and say it with out being asked...like me)
3. I'm hardly ever positive about tough situations

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. German
2. English
3. American Indian (my skin color is a dead give-a-way)

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My eyes
2. My butt (clothed only)
3. My shoulders

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My ARMS
2. My belly(not abs..belly)
3. My boobs are less than spectacular

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. One of my dimples is really a scar from a childhood accident
2. In fourth grade I had to get tutored for poor reading skills (hard to fathom, I know)
3. I used to go to Star Trek conventions and still have my Starfleet uniform in my closet

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Huh? (It's my automatic response when I didn't catch all of what someone said or I need a second to process what I'm going to say.)
2. What? (same thing)
3. I don't know (although usually I do)

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Vegas
2. Hawaii (again)
3. New England in the fall (I'm not a world traveler)

The Joy of the Season.

2006-12-19T15:41:00.000-08:00

I'm done. It's over. Merry freakin' Christmas!

In the past three days I accomplished what most people take months to do. Of course I'm talking about X-Mas shopping.

I started on Sunday with the Fam, then yesterday and today were all about JR. If I were to be technical I actually started shopping the day after Thanksgiving. But I only got a few items and none of them were big ticket ones.

Now, don't go thinking I just grabbed stuff and randomly wrapped it for people. Every gift was pre-determined. Maybe that's why it was easy to do everyone in a few days. I went in knowing what I wanted (or with a good idea anyway) and got the hell out.

Oddly it wasn't traffic or parking or even other shoppers that got on my nerves. No it was the clerks. I usually cut store employees a lot of slack. I've done their job many times and nothing can beat the hell I went through working at Walt Disney World's busiest store during Christmas.. TRUST ME.

But I was shocked by the little "Power Trips" all the cashiers seemed to be on this year. I had a woman tisk at me in the self-scan line. She TISKED as if I were a seven year old caught with herhand in a cookie jar.

Thinking back I wish I'd had the balls to say something to her, but she wouldn't have given a damn. The middle aged woman was queen of her little four station world and never mind that I'm the one with the college education.

She wasn't the first or the last sales person I came across with a superior attitude. In several stores I was treated like I was imposing on them for asking a question or writing a check. I got sick of the heavy sighs, and eventually stopped asking if I could write a check and simply handed them one.

What annoyed me even more were the people who made a mistake and turned it around to be my fault. Like the girl who forgot to burn me a photo cd at the Meijer photo counter. First she tells me my pictures aren't ready (although it had been almost two hours since I turned in my ONE-hour digital prints.) Then she ran around the back for a minute before coming back and saying she was waiting on the CD to be finished. It was beyond obvious that she'd forgotten to start the CD based on her reaction when she couldn't find my pictures.

Anyway I told her I'd wait and plopped my butt on a stool. I could tell my hovering annoyed her, but my arms were full of stuff I'd found while waiting for my pictures to be done and I didn't have a basket. So finally she brings them to me and has the gall to say "You know, the photo CDs aren't promised in an hour."

Oh really, and where's the freakin' sign that says that? Urg, she messed up but still turned it around to be my fault for not knowing a policy of their's (which isn't posted anywhere, I looked.)

Like I said I usually cut sales people a break. Retail is the one job I won't go back to. Maybe my frustration is because I was trained by Disney that the customer is always right (no matter how stupidly wrong they are.) Or perhaps it's because I've been in their shoes and can see through the act. In their heads they think they're better then the customers, hell they KNOW how to work the cash register and how to fold shirts for display. Life can't get any better than that can it?

Just think, only 370 shopping days until Christmas 2007 ^_^*

Duck Watch '06

2006-12-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

He's back.

I woke up today, heard it raining and looked outside. And much to my shock "our" duck was swimming around in the pond. I was beyond surprised to see him since the pond froze over last week and I haven't seen hide nor feather of him. I'd thought for sure he was eaten, frozen, or wandered off.

But nope, he's back. It's kinda pathetic since only a small part of the pond is again open water (like a five foot square area,) but I'm glad he's there.

I immediately called those rescue people I'd found so they could come out and get him. But after talking to the lady for awhile she said since he'd been injured so long ago they'd most likely be putting him down. And in fact it was federal law to put any animal down that couldn't be repaired to live in the wild. Since his wing is broken and has healed, she knew the bones were to brittle to reset it.

The verdict, so long as he's not suffering, let him be. I'd much rather he be part of the circle of life then simply put to sleep. I guess I had imagined a nice little warm inclosure with a swimming pool for him. In the meantime I threw some bread out there for him, but either someone else is feeding him or he's scared to come over (the pond in front of our balcony is still frozen over.)

It's not supposed to get below freezing for the next couple of days so I hope that helps him. Also I'm not as concerned now that he came back. Obviously he's got a good hiding spot to have survived a week alone in bitter temperatures.

Duck Tales

2006-12-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

Woo Hoo!

Good news, I found a place that would take in the duck. Bad news, they want me to try to catch him first.

The lady calmly told me to scoop him up with a large towel, put him in a box with holes and bring him to them.

Yeah, easier said then done. I severely doubt it'll be so simple as walking up to a wild animal and picking it up, especially a wounded one. My biggest fear is that someone will end up in the pond, most likely me.

The woman didn't say what would happen if we failed to capture the duck, but I suspect they won't just leave him out here.

Another challenge is when we'll attempt this feat. The shelter closes at 5pm and JR doesn't get home until 4pm. Plus I'm working late Friday and will be away this weekend. The earliest we could try is Monday and I'm afraid it'll get too cold this weekend for the poor guy.

Wish me luck ^_^*

The duck

2006-12-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

A Fowl Story

2006-12-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

I feel sick. Not ::cough cough:: sick, but emotionally sick. And it's all over a duck.

One of the selling points for the apartment complex JR and I live it is that every apartment has a view of a pond from their deck or balcony. There are two of these ponds, and while they're not huge, they are fairly deep and pretty to look at.

When JR first moved in last year we noticed a group of ducks that seemed to "live" in the pond. There were six of them, three males and three females. They would disappear for a few days every now and then, but were basically around for the entire winter.

Once the weather warmed up we noticed that our pond attracted several groups of waterfowl including geese and even a pelican or two. But mostly it was ducks. At one point this summer we counted over forty ducks swimming around. People used to feed them but after a memo from the apartment complex they stopped.

But getting back to why I feel so bad. Sometime in late spring we noticed that one duck was different from the others. He had a mangled wing. Meaning he couldn't fly. We have no idea how he go the injury, but my theory is that he was clipped by a car.

I don't know if he was part of the original group or one of their babies. I do know that socially he's an outcast. I also know that animals don't think like humans, but every time I see one of the other males chasing him away I felt bad for him. He seems so incredibly lonely.
More so now that the temperature has dropped and rarely do we see other ducks besides him out there. Last night the pond started to freeze over and I know it won't be long before he wocan't swim in the water at all. As far as food goes that could be a problem too, since the ducks eat whatever plant life grows just under the surface.

The bigger problem is that I suspect before winter is out he will BE the food. Amongst all the water fowl, out apartment complex also seems to have an interesting mix of mammals. We have squirrels (the ducks are always chasing them up trees,) and raccoons (scare the crap out of me every time I take out the trash,) possibly a beaver (two sightings and we can't figure out what animal is swimming around in the water,) and of course the fox.

That's right, a fox (forget about the beaver boys.) We first spotted him this spring hanging around the dumpster. He terrified me for a few moments since he showed no fear of us and actually took a step towards JR. I had thought foxes were tiny, but really they're more like a medium sized dog. After that night I saw him three more times, once I even saw him chasing the ducks into the pond.

But that was months ago and I figured he'd moved on by now. Imagine my shock when I stepped outside yesterday and saw a standoff. Just below my third floor balcony stood the fox. And ten feet away in the water was the deformed duck. Luckily my presence was enough to send the predator packing.

However, the fox sighting racketed up my anxiety level concerning "our" duck. Not only am I worried about him freezing or starving to death, now I've gotta stress about him becoming a midnight snack for a dumpster-diving fox.

My parents think I'm too soft hearted and should just let nature work the way it's intended. And I totally understand that, but I still feel awful. Once I ran over a family of raccoons with my car(it was unavoidable) and I cried for at least twenty miles.

I've watched the antics of this duck for months, and in a strange way I identify with him as the underdog. JR thinks we should adopt him and let him live with us like the guys did on "Friends." I'm vetoing that choice since besides our complex's "no pet" policy, I'm not willing to clean up duck-poop.

The other option is to call animal control or the zoo, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't rescue a duck. I've called about injured animals before (a bloody and limping possum in our station parking lot) and gotten no response. Even if they did come out and catch the bird, they'd probably put it to sleep anyway.

So all I can do is wait. Wait for the day when I don't see "our" duck alive and bobbing in the water. It'll break my heart =(

Fah la la la la la

2006-11-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

JR and I put up our Christmas tree today. Although that entire statement is full of flaws. For one, it's not OUR tree, it's an old old tree his parents lent us. And two, since we're not religious it's more of a "Holiday" tree. But since I think it's dumb to try to be PC about Christmas I would never call it that. I'd get a metal pole and celebrate Festivus first. The tree is full of Disney, Star Wars and Star Trek ornament, a perfect reflection of us.

It was fun, but like anything we do together we had varying views on how it should be done. I wanted to string the lights in layers as we put on the branches, he wanted to wait until we had it all put together. Also he was fine with only some of the lights blinking, I wanted them all solid. Shockingly he got his way on both counts.

I guess I don't care enough. I like Christmas, but it's not my favorite holiday. Getting gifts is great, but I suck at giving them. Every year I feel like a failure. It doesn't help that my sister is a great gift-giver and always comes up with something really personal or cool. If I could get away with it I'd get everyone gift cards or cash. But that kind sucks the whole meaning of the season out of it. So like an idiot every year I put off shopping for others until virtually the last minute.

By far the hardest person to buy a gift for is my mother. Everyone in my family has issues finding something she'd like. Some years she has a list so that my dad doesn't screw up (which he usually does anyway.) But still every year there are frantic phone calls all around with whispered "What are you getting Mom?" Rarely does anyone have a clue. Besides the fact that she already has every thing she wants, she's picky.

You can't just get her slippers (most make her feet sweat) or a calendar (she has too many already) and call it good. She doesn't watch DVDs or listen to CDs. I have no idea what books she'd like, and heaven forbid I get her candy if she's on a diet (that's insulting to her.) My mom's allergic to most fragrances, so candles and perfumes are out. Same goes with make-up or lotions. In fact just about any generic gift you can think up is off limits for her. And if I did just cop out and get a gift card she'd most likely feel like she HAD to go shopping, which would probably end with horrific stories of rude clerks or her bum knees acting up.

Not to be ungrateful or sound like I don't love her, I do, I just wish she liked more things in my price range.

I'm also sick of getting people "crap." Amazon.com is a great place to get ideas if someone has a Wish List there, but after awhile it feels trivial. Every year JR and I get each other a lot of "stuff," but rarely is it big important things, or stuff we couldn't have bought for ourselves. I mean how many DVDs and CDs do we need anyway? And that is the crux of the problem. Gift giving is supposed to be special and meaningful (think "Gift of the Magi,") but in our materialist society, presents have become more about price tags or the drive to "own" things, then making someone feel loved.

I'm as guilty as anyone else with society's increasing shallowness regarding gifts. And maybe I am just too shallow to be any good at giving people things, even if it's just the giving of myself.

Spoils of War.

2006-11-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

This I wrote yesterday but didn't post for some reason:

I did it, and I want to do it some more. Unfortunatly I can't because I have to go to work. Yes, I'm talking about Black Friday shopping. It was hell, it was hot, and I'm hungry; but I saved a shitload of money and I feel good about that.

Only thing is I spent it all on myself. Well, almost. But I bought $400 worth of stuff for under $175. I may not be worth $400, but I for sure deserve $175!

So now I'm sitting here with my "prizes" splayed about my living room and wishing I had bought more. I really need more clothes. The few I bought today hardly begin to restock my low fashion supply. But it's a start, and maybe I can find some other deals later this weekend.

You know for a girl who hates to shop I think I survived this morning just fine.

********************************
I wrote this today:

Oops, I did it again.

Although I didn't mean to go shopping again today somehow I found myself with an armload of merchandise and my checkbook out. It started out as a pity party for myself. Ok, not really a pity party, more like a "Sassy's alone in Toledo and feels bad because it's Saturday and she will most likely spend the day and evening on the couch by herself," party. And by party I mean I went to the bookstore to pick myself up a couple "treats."

But once I stepped inside Borders I smelled the pastries in the coffee shop and got super hungry. So after getting a few books I headed off to Olga's for an Orange Cream Cooler and some Olga Snackers. Satisfied but full, I decided to walk around for a few minutes and work off some of the calories.

I ended up in Dillards (for those not familiar with this store chain it's very similar to a Von Maur or a fancy Macy's.) Figuring the overpriced merchandise would hold no allure for me ($30 for a Cami?!??!) I strolled through a store I would only shop at if I were rich.

But disaster loomed ahead in the form of three 75% off racks. It was too much of a temptation. No way would I ever drop the dough and pay full price for those clothes, but at THAT big of a discount, I'm willing to negotiate with my pocketbook. Add to that that since it's a hoity toity store the quality of the merchandise is much better then the Walmarts I usually get my clothes at ^_^*

So now I have four tops that I got for the same price as just one of them would've been at full price. And once I had my bag I immediately went back to my car and left the mall. It's rare for me to enjoy shopping so much but I had to stop myself for fear I'd get out of control. I'm not broke, but I don't exactly make any money either. Although it breaks my heart, it's a good thing I stopped.

But now I feel even more sorry for myself. I'm sitting here with brand new clothes all around me and I have nowhere to wear them and no one will see me in them for at least two days. Good thing I got myself a few (7) books to get my mind off of being alone.

Through the Mists

2006-11-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

Phew! THAT'S over, and it wasn't too bad. I'm talking about Thanksgiving here. However the drive to and from Michigan today was interesting.

When I first moved to Toledo I decided to program some local radio stations into my car stereo. I didn't research them or anything I simply hit "seek," and if it stopped on a song I liked it went into one of my pre-sets.

Most of the stations turned out to be great and I now have a good range of music to choose from while driving around the city. However one station slipped past my guard. Toted as "soft rock" I enjoyed number 3 on my pre-set dial (button whatever) for the first four months in the "Glass City." But a few weeks ago my "soft rock" went Christmas on me. A little early for my tastes, but hey, I like Christmas music all right so I didn't bother to change it.

I'm a perpetual channel surfer for both my TV and my car stereo. I also have radio controls on my steering column that I can operate with my left hand with barely a thought. This means if a commercial is playing as I'm putting my car in park I'll most likely be switching stations up to the moment I shut my car off and take out the key. That is the only explanation I have for why my car was blaring "Jingle Bells" when I got in it this morning. More concerned about getting buckled in and on my way I left the radio alone.

Once I got on the Freeway the music once again captured my attention. It was playing a Christmas song I had never heard before. After about fifteen seconds I wanted to drive my car off an overpass. It was by far the most depressing Christmas tune I have EVER heard.

It's called Christmas Shoes and not only are the lyrics beyond sad, but the tone of the singer's voice is soooo dramatic. Of course once they threw in the chorus of singing kids I wanted to bang my head on the wheel. I forced myself to listen to the whole thing, hoping and praying it was a sick joke. To me Christmas (or any Holiday) music should be peppy or nostalgic, not make you feel like pond scum.

Thankfully I have a six disc CD changer in my car and was quickly able to switch to some traveling music.

That was on the way there. The way home was a different story. It was foggy, like pea soup foggy. It's always debatable for me when weather conditions are dicey. I'm not sure if I want to be alone on the road, or surrounded by cars. Usually I opt for being alone since I trust myself to control my car better then I trust the drivers around me to control theirs.

Well tonight I got both wishes. At times traffic was so thick I hardly noticed the fog. Then a few minutes later I'd find myself all alone wondering where all the other cars had gone. It was kinda freaky. Except for the occasional muted light from cars going the opposite direction I'd go for ten minutes at a time and not see another vehicle.

Then like a flock of birds they'd swoop in and wiz around me only to disappear again into the fog. I don't understand why they were going so fast. Most of the time I could only see three or four road stripes ahead of me at a time. You just can't go 75mph and expect to be able to stop in time if something is stopped in the road.

Driving in fog messes with your mind. A change of lighting and it seems as if the road is dropping away in front of you, a curve in the road can make you think a car is headed straight toward you. Or maybe it's just me and my paranoia. In any case I made it home safe and sound and I wish the same for all the other travelers out there this weekend.

Gobble gobble, Happy Thanksgiving!

Lumpy

2006-11-22T15:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been weeks since I blogged. It's not like I don't have stuff to say, it's just not all stuff I want floating around the Internet. In any case, I feel like blogging today, so I'm back.

I heard a story on the radio this morning about how Jessica Simpson is apparently addicted to Botox. That's just so wrong, she's my age. But it got me thinking about body image.

Most women will NEVER be happy with the way they look. Oh, they may think losing 10 pounds will solve all their image problems, but trust someone with experience when I say that for most there will ALWAYS be something to be unhappy with. Losing weight or getting cosmetic surgery will only highlight other parts that need fixing.

Earlier this week I was watching "The Girls Next Door" (guilty pleasure, but I really like Hugh's girlfriend Bridget,) and they were getting ready to make a workout video. When asked what they wanted to improve on their bodies the girls had a list of flaws and problem areas. If these "perfect" examples of American beauty had issues with the way they look, what hope is there for us mortal women?

But that, along with the Hollywood trend of women in their twenties and teens having major plastic surgery, upsets me. There comes a time when you just have to accept certain things about yourself. Ten years ago I hated my nose. I seriously wanted a nose job to get rid of the huge hump I thought I had. It was all I could see when I looked in the mirror, and forget about getting my picture taken from the side. But over time it grew on me until I was able to accept the face I was born with.

But so many "rich" (and some not so rich) girls are altering their bodies before they get a chance to mature and embrace the features that make them individuals. It's sad, but I for one am glad I was able to shed a lot of my body hang-ups along with the fifty pounds. That said, if I had the money I'd get treatment for all my cellulite. Even I have limits on self love ^_^*

Happy Place

2006-11-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

Ok people, I'm better now. Just had a crazy moment with the wedding back there. But luckily my sister and a couple of awesome friends came along. It felt very much like I was standing on the side of a bridge with them screaming for me not to jump.

So I'm not quite calm, but I'm in a better place. I don't know why I felt so alone and helpless. It's just been so long since I've leaned on anyone but JR that I forgot what girl friends are for.

Good news is the sleazy (I'll explain better in a minute) photographer backed out on me since I didn't send him the money right away. He was fairly nice about it but I mostly feel relief that I didn't have to say "no" to his face (I am chicken shit remember.) In fact I'm now in talks with a place that my gut tells me is the right choice.

They're about $700 cheaper and I think they're much more straight up with me. And the best part was they specifically said to ask questions and take some time to be sure I'm comfortable with them (I swear I heard angels singing.)

As for the "sleazy" photog... well today I found an old add of his in one of the Lansing Bride magazines creepy PA Randy gave me before I left. In it he offered a special price for weddings that was 1/3 of what he was charging me. On top of that at the bottom it said if you booked after January of this year the price would be full. Hmmm... odd that the FULL price was EXACTLY what he was charging me as his 62% discount. Fucking dirtbag!! God I wish I'd seen that ad last week. Anyway, lesson learned.

Another lesson learned is that although I had thought I didn't have a childhood "vision" for my wedding, I definitely have some strong opinions about what I DON'T like. So this should get interesting. And I'll really try to blog about things other than the wedding. Ten more months of this and you'll be as crazy as me ^_^*

320 days to meltdown

2006-11-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

Well it's beginning... Wedding stress is already taking me over. I can honestly say I understand why Jennifer Wilbanks (the runaway bride) did what she did. The pressure is unbelievable.

I've just started and have already made a mess of things with the photographer. Add lack of sleep, pushy vendors, and a misguided attempt to NOT spend a lot of time worrying over details; and you end up getting played like I did.

Now I'm trying to gracefully back out of a contract without coming off looking like a complete moron. Really I only have myself to blame, and that's why I'm so upset. I've learned something I hadn't thought of before.

Anything.. ANYTHING that goes wrong or is sub par will be MY fault, MINE!
No matter how helpful JR (or anyone else) tries to be, ultimately I am the one doing the research and making all the decisions. I was totally unprepared for the stress and pressure that fact would bring me.

So now I have lost all confidence and am scared to make any decisions (exactly what I wanted to avoid.) I am a rational person and realize that everything isn't going to be perfect, and I can't make everybody happy- but that doesn't keep me from suffering from bouts of self doubt and fear.

So for all you unmarried females out there please understand something I am just now learning... your wedding day is NOT really your day at all. Sure you'll get lots of attention and everyone will fawn over you, but if the music sucks or the flowers are wilted it's because of the people you hired. Stick THAT in your pipe and suck on it ladies!

Monster Mash

2006-10-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

Took me awhile to get this blog out, but here it is.

I gotta say that kids get ripped off on Halloween. The holiday can only be truly appreciated by adults. Think about it. As a kid, your costume has to be mom approved and warm enough for trick-or-treating. And usually it's made out of something cheap and itchy.

"But what about all the candy?" One might say. Well that is just another scam. You pound the pavement for two hours knocking on strangers doors begging for candy. That's when you learn about all the weirdos in your neighborhood.

Either you get the way over enthused grown-ups who oooh and ahhh and have no idea what you costume is... or you get the loner old man (who may or may not be on the sexual predator list) whose house smells funny. And don't forget the empty honor system bowls and the fake scarecrows ready to pop out and scare you. Umm.. no thanks.

Because then after all that work and you get home to count your loot, your mom comes in and begs for some chocolate. Soon after she starts demanding all your good candy. You wisely hide the rest of your treats... only to find them again on Easter. ('k maybe that last bit only happened to me.)

The point is that kids get the shaft. For those of us currently childless, Halloween is a great party holiday. You get to dress up in sexy or socially taboo costumes, dance like crazy, and get drunk. Honestly I can't think of anything more fun than that.

And fun is exactly what I had this weekend. Gotta thank Tim and Traci for a kick-ass party. I started out not really knowing many people there, but had a blast the whole night.

What a night it was too. Full of Jello shots, kegs, fluffy chairs, drunken drama, and table dancing. Although I deeply regret the last. My knees still hurt from dancing on the pool table. Something about bare legs grinding into felt covered slate doesn't mix.

But it's all good. When I picked up my camera Sunday I realized I'd taken close to 80 pictures...Yikes. Anyway there really are too many to choose from, so I put up a sampling... enjoy!

The Searchers (an Eastern)

2006-10-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

JR and I took a little trip to East Toledo today. He needed a few things to complete his Halloween costume and the best place to look was at an Army Surplus store clear across the city (about 25 minutes away.) Originally I wasn't going to go with him, but when he started to leave today I decided I wanted to go.

We found the store without much hassle but once we stepped inside I figured we wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. It was full of "guy" stuff and I knew he was in macho heaven. Due to some very helpful clerks (they asked us if we needed help like every five minutes,) we found what we came for right away.

The good news is that his costume is now complete, the bad news is that he just shot himself in the leg.

Don't worry it wasn't with a real gun. To explain I have to travel back in time about two years when JR was living with his buddy Q in Michigan. If ever there was a "guy" house, then Q's house would be it. Never mind the 14ft TV screen (yes that is in feet,) the keg-erator full of Pabst, the pool table/dining table, or even the full size arcade games- it was the pellet guns that separated the boys from the men.

Somewhere alone the line Q bought some pellet BB guns (they shoot tiny plastic balls with medium force.) One thing the guys enjoyed doing was randomly (and without warning) shoot each other. And as an innocent bystander who took a couple hits, I'll tell you those little balls could sting.

The shoot outs are what I think JR misses most about not living at Q's. He's coveted one of those pellet guns for along time, and today he finally got one. But in the twenty minutes since he's opened the thing my Mickey pumpkin and his leg have both been victims. Even though I told him NOT to shoot at my pumpkin and I have no idea why he would turn the gun on himself.

I'm sure I could have told him "no way," and forbid him from buying it, but that's really not my style. He does most the vacuuming anyway so he can deal with all the lost BBs it sucks up. And if we end up losing our security deposit on the apartment because of holes in the walls, it's his problem. Plus he did need a convincing gun for his costume.

I was impressed that he didn't pull the gun out of the box the moment we got in the car, but apparently he does have some self control.

Since we were on the extreme far side of town I decided to do a little exploring. I had heard there was a third mall somewhere in the eastern side of Toledo. We had driven waaay out of town and I was about to turn around when we found it.. next to a barn.

Actually it's a good size mall with three big name anchor stores. But the mall itself is dying. It made me really sad to see the nearly empty mall obviously limping toward death. In my mind's eye I could picture it's heyday and all the noise and life it must have once held. I don't think it's been revamped since the early nineties. What was left of the decorations and faded paint tells a tale of neglect.

What's even sadder is that Toledo has another mall in similar shape. Although the second mall has been bought and is slated for demo in the next few years. When JR and I first drove by we thought it was already closed. One of the anchor stores still had a Montgomery Wards sign outside, and I know they've been out of business for a few years at least.

Eventually though we worked up the courage to go inside and were amazed by how cool it was inside. They have a giant carousal that you can still ride in the middle. And the whole mood of the mall is really retro with lots of rich golds and ambers. It reminds me of some of the malls I went to as a kid before they built the fancy new ones.

Walking by all the empty stores got me thinking about the history of those malls. I would have liked to visit them during their peaks. There's a cool website called www.deadmalls.com that has a rundown of a lot of dead malls across the county.

Oh, and the gun? JR is laying on the couch holding it to his chest at this very moment. I'm kinda afraid for my TV.. the Tigers aren't doing so hot and he's a little testy about it.

It's alive... ALIVE!!!!

2006-10-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

The curse has struck again.

Today I was filling in at work. It was my first time working with our main male anchor (you see where this is headed don't ya?) Five minutes before air a page goes through the building for Maintenance to go to the studio NOW. That's never a good sign, and it only got worse.

We're getting a new set in the studio. Unfortunately we don't have a back-up studio so all the building has to be done in between newscasts. Sometime today during the construction some things got unplugged and it messed up our lighting control board.

The beginning of the first block went just fine, but right before the tease, the lights all go off... on air. Thankfully our male anchor covered well, making some comment about how we're preparing for Halloween with a new "scary" (and he made hand motions here,) look.

We finally got the lights back on a half an hour later. But in between there it was pretty crazy trying to drag in enough lights so the cameras could pick up the talent. And during all of this my cordless Prompter control dies during a story. So I'm kneeling on the ground running prompter for the anchors (yeah our back-up is in a dumb place,) and trying to stay out of the way from the people rigging up emergency lights. I swear, if I'm not cursed then the studio is possessed.

But speaking of Halloween, I carved my first pumpkin last night.

I know it seems weird, but I can't ever remember carving a pumpkin before. I know my dad carved some pretty cool ones, but either he wouldn't let me, or I didn't want to do my own. So for my first attempt I choose Mickey Mouse. And although it's not perfect I'm really proud of it. I was afraid it'd come out looking like a little kid did it. Especially since I drew the pattern myself.

After doing all the cutting and cleaning myself I can easily understand why I never did it as a kid... it's hard. And when all the work was done I toasted some Pumpkin seeds (they are sooo addictive.) Yup, I felt pretty domestic last night. I even did some sewing for my Halloween costume. There are still more modifications to be made, but I was a mini-Martha yesterday for sure.

JR's pumpkin turned out great.

Both of our pumpkins reflect our personalties perfectly.

I'm Cursed!

2006-10-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

Actually I should say I AM a Curse.

On three separate occasions, during three separate shows, with three separate female anchors, I've had the same thing happen. They all choked, literally.

The first time was with the morning anchor doing the Noon show. Halfway through the first story she paused, then cleared her throat, then started coughing uncontrollably. Thankfully she managed to toss to weather and I gave her my water bottle. But it was painful to watch her face get red and her eyes water as she attempted to speak around the hacking.

About a month later I was working on the 5pm with a different anchor and the same thing happened. Just as we go to video in her first story she stops speaking and starts choking. Again she managed to toss to weather, and I lost another water bottle.

Yesterday, you guessed it, same thing- different person. It's the 5:30pm show and although we keep all the other people on set, we change up the female anchor for a half hour. So this girl sits down at the desk and thirty seconds later her voice goes tight and I think "oh great, not another one." But this time it was different. The poor girl almost passes out at the desk. She turned deathly pale and sweaty, and obviously was having problems speaking, but no coughing this time (thank God, because I didn't have a water bottle in the studio yesterday.)

After a few painful stories (for her and us) the producer got in her ear to throw to weather and disaster was adverted. But it was a "Clencher" moment for all of us.

If you can't identify with "clenching," then you've never worked in News and had an on-air moment that stops everyone in their tracks and has rear ends tightening. During a "Clencher" everyone is on an unspoken standby to either; take black, or go to commercial. It's the few seconds just before the show may or may not, go to hell.

Of course all these vocal mishaps happened when the anchors just happened to be doing a solo show (when usually the co-anchor could have just taken over.) And they are all easily explained.

The culprit with the morning anchor was some peanut M&M's she ate just before the show. A piece of shell still in her teeth or something flew back into her throat when she took a big breath. The 5pm anchor simply swallowed wrong (c'mon you've done it too.) The poor girl yesterday only weighs 90lbs soaking wet and they had just painted the set and changed the desktop. I'm sure all the fumes and kicked up dirt (newsrooms are extremely dirty,) went straight to her, I know I got a headache from it.

Still, I feel like I'm cursed. All three women said they've never had that happen to them before. The only common factor in all three cases... me. So either I need to shower more, or I'm cursed.

By the power vested in me...

2006-10-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

I learned an interesting fact this weekend. Apparently in the state of Michigan a man legally owns his wife's hair.

So theoretically I'll have to ask JR's permission to cut, dye, style, (and yes even shave,) any of my hair. Of course he finds this all hilarious and anytime he catches me touching my hair he makes comments about how it's really "his" hair.

This got me nervous about any other "unusual" laws we might encounter when we get married. A few Google searches later and I discovered a whole bevy of strange laws across this great county of ours.

Some of these I've heard before. In fact I'm fairly certain we did a sweeps PKG last year about this. But in case you were unaware I've complied a list of my favorites below.

Other bizarre Michigan laws:

Cars may not be sold on Sunday.

Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony. (Because so many preteens have felonious records.)

It is against the law for a lady to lift her skirt more than 6 inches while walking through a mud puddle.

Married couples must live together or be imprisoned. (I know a few people who would take option two.)

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

Single guys and gals caught in the act of sex in Michigan can be fined as much as $5,000, and they could be sentenced to as many as five years in prison.

It is illegal to loiter in the city morgue in Detroit. (And I heard it was the new "cool" place to hang out.)

A man can also get 20 years in Michigan for placing "his spouse in a brothel."

U.S. Laws:
It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States. (Thank goodness for THAT.)

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C. (I feel bad for all the single women in those states, makes lonely nights even lonelier.)

Bikini car washes (where women wash cars topless) are prohibited in most states, but the fine is only $50 per incident, so places charge an extra $50 to recoup their legal costs.

Federal law forbids recycling used eyeglasses in the United States.

Impotence is grounds for divorce in twenty-four states in the United States. (Wonder if Viagra will change this law.)

Mid-West Laws:

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Are dead fish ok?)

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (mmm, ok...)

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. (Talk about going out with a BANG.)

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. (LOVE this one, I'm moving.)

Monkeys are forbidden from smoke cigarettes in South Bend, Indiana.

In Ohio it is illegal to get a fish drunk. (What's with the fish?)

Southern Laws:

In Alabama, it's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. (But not against the law to tell bad jokes.)

Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath once a year.

In Miami, Florida it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown. (Ironic)

In Alabama, dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Well that makes sense.)

In Oklahoma, no baseball team can hit the ball over the fence or out of a ballpark. (Explains why there are no pro teams in Oklahoma.)

Eastern Laws:

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal. (No Honeymoon at the Capitol for me.)

In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.

In New York, it is against the law for a blind person to drive an automobile. (Gee, ya think?)

"Coasting on Beaver Street" is illegal in Edgeworth, Pa. ('nuff said.)

Under the Code of 1650 in the New Haven Colony (in what is now Connecticut), a 16-year-old boy could be put to death if he "cursed, struck or disobeyed" his parents or was "stubborn or rebellious." (Bring that law back please!)

It used to be a $200 fine in Vermont to deny the "existence or being of God."

A minister in Pennsylvania is not supposed to perform a marriage ceremony if either the bride or the groom is drunk. (Not a lot of weddings there I guess.)

West of the Mississippi Laws:

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances, including the wedding night. (Wonder how that's supposed to work?)

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities.

In Montana, it is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.

In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts. (Please tell me Mullets are included in this.)

In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session. (I'm sure there is a story behind this.)

A Utah legislator proposed a resolution urging that each TV weather person be required to provide an ice cream cone to every member of the state House of Representatives whenever the forecast was wrong. The resolution failed. (They would have been forced to reduce taxes every time THEY were wrong.)

**************

And to note, as weird and bad as these outdated laws may seem, America has it easy. Here are a few quick samples from other countries:

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.

Sodomy has long been a serious offense in Peru. A person who has engaged in it is first dragged through the streets on a rope. Hanging comes next. Finally, the corpse is burned while fully clothed. (Yikes)

The Little Engine that Could... Maybe?

2006-10-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

Arg!! Help!

I have a serious dilemma. All of those in the News Biz who know me know that being a P.A. really isn't my thing. While I enjoy having less responsibilities, I am bored with feeling impotent at work. And yes, I know, everyone in TV matters, and ultimately you couldn't do the News without "lowly" P.A.s.

But (and stop me if I'm too full of myself) I am better than that. Sure for a temporary gig being a Production Assistant is fine. It's also a good way to break into a station and move up. But after three months it's becoming increasingly clear that unless I want to direct (I don't really) I have no where to go, not even full-time.

Our station is currently hard up for Photogs. It's been suggested to me that I should apply and since they're so desperate I could maybe get my way (i.e. no overnight shoots by myself.) Even if I was promised that I'd only have to shoot court stuff, maybe some medical PKGs, and edit to my heart's content I don't know if I would do it.

For one when I left NBC I was shooting like maybe once a week. And even then they were always Guerrilla shoots (run in, film enough for :40 sec, run out.) Occasionally I'd get to shoot some web pages or a live shot, but overall I was at best a "solid" shooter.

But what about the yummy lure of editing? I LOVE editing. It's not even bragging to say I have a gift for it. But like all gifts there are some areas of weakness. The biggest weakness is that my talents lay with a system called AVID. From day one I've connected with that machine. But my current station doesn't have my beloved AVID. Instead they have a system that I feel is far inferior. I've only played with it a little, and I'm sure with time I'd be ok at it, but right now I know I'd not reach my full potential with EDIUS.

Ok, so I'm scared, super scared. I could do it, but I still don't want to. The money and security thing is soooo tempting, but months ago I was dead set on NOT ever being a Photog again, I hate going against my word.

But that is only half the dilemma. Today I found this job posting on the local ABC web site:

Television News Trainees (10/09/06>
LOCATIONS: Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina, Flint, Michigan, Toledo, Ohio The ABC Owned TV Stations Group (OTVS) has a unique opportunity for individuals who are interested in a news career in the television industry. ABC OTVS is comprised of 10 television stations, including the top 6 Nielsen markets. We have opportunities for ambitious news trainees who must be geographically flexible to work in any of our station locations/markets across the country. Trainee opportunities are initially available in Raleigh-Durham, Flint, and Toledo. We are offering an on-the-job training program for one year in the key area of television news producing. If successful, we will want to place you in a producer position in one of our 10 stations. We have a commitment to diversity and seek diverse candidates and talent. The selected candidates will:

Be assigned to produce daily newscasts and will also act as associate producer for newscasts.
Receive exposure to promotion, programming, community affairs and other operations of the TV station as they interact with news producers.
Shadow news managers as well as news producers.
Participate in news editorial and planning meetings.
Learn and be tutored on the practical side of news producing including the key areas of news ethics, news judgment and story selection, news writing and graphics production.

REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS: The qualified candidates will have a Bachelor's degree and a minimum of six months experience working in a television or radio newsroom as an employee and/or intern. The candidates will demonstrate:

Ability to produce daily newscasts.
Ability to manage time effectively to meet tight deadlines.
Excellent writing skills.
Good judgment and story selection.

DESIRED QUALIFICATIONS: Previous news producing experience is a plus. Effective use of I-News and Grass Valley NewsEdit is desired. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: We will pay a salary and full benefits while on this one year program. Regional or local candidates preferred. Minimal relocation assistance may be available. Candidates should bring a non-returnable tape of a recent broadcast they produced, as well as writing samples to the job interview.

Ok, to sum up if you didn't bother to read it, they'll train and pay me for a year. A year! Ah, but check out the last line--- I don't have ANY samples of my writing. Sure I've written a few cut-ins and a national story or two in the past few years. Hell, I even produced in College for part of a semester. But did I keep any samples? Umm, no.

Hindsight and all that crap aside, how do I convince these people that I'm a good candidate? This seems like a dream and if I could get in on this I'd be so happy. Because even if they didn't hire me after the year, I'd have a year's experience.

But self doubt is rearing it's ugly head.

1) I just got to my station (not the one offering the producer gig) and I feel bad jumping ship so soon.

2) I have no proof that I can write (not even sure I CAN, but I'm a quick learner and I've been in News longer than some Producers I know)

3) What if they want me to do my training in one of the other cities?

4) I'm not good at grammar or a great speller, but I do know something about good copy (just had to throw that in.)

So please people, now is not the time for you to tell me I can do it (although that'd be nice to hear.) I need real solutions and fast.

Muse-ing

2006-10-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows I've been writing a book and yada yada. Thought I'd do a little update. Currently I've written 33,000 words, actually 33,583 to be exact. Lately I have been moving at a snail’s pace with this book. Part of that I blamed on JR because he's been around so much lately. But even after our schedule got back to normal I had some issues starting up again. Well I seem to be back in the flow (I realize I'm jinxing myself here,) and I've come to a very important conclusion. My Muse is a slut.

That's right, a bona fide Nympho. How else can I explain her absence the past several weeks? For days I've been unmotivated to write. I would sit down determined to write, going even so far as to unplug my laptop from the Internet lest I lose hours to MySpace and other people's blogs. There I'd be, poised and committed to work on my book and....nadda. It'd be like buying a Quadriplegic a lap dance, cruel and utterly unsatisfying.

So finally I made some painful headway with my characters and got them set up for their first real sex scene. And once the clothes started flying, who do you think popped their head into the room to see what was going on? Yeah, you guessed it, my MIA Muse.

So then I start writing at a pace I haven't achieved since I first began working on the book. Everything was falling beautifully into place. There were my heroes, complete with throbbing this’ and that’s, and for sure a few things were moist and panting. And in the corner was my sex crazed little Muse egging me on, nearly orgasmic herself. I just had to put on the brakes. It was all moving too fast for me, and I'm fairly certain it was moving to fast for my heroes as well.

It wasn't the sex so much as the tone of it that was bugging me. I felt as if I wasn't doing the action justice. Because despite my Muse's wild suggestions, I kept pulling the punches. She (and my Muse is for sure female) wanted me to use some really naughty words. You know, the big ones; ass, shit, (I'm whispering these BTW) fuck, tit, cock, pussy, twat...

Ok, maybe not twat. Not even the best romance writer couldn’t use that word and still make a sex scene romantic. I mean can you imagine?

His fingers brushed over the peaks and valleys of her womanly curves. She sighed in pleasure as his hand finally found her Twat, itching with desire--

Ack! Itching Twats?! What would the name of that lovely novel be "STD's: A Love Story?"

In any case, my point is not that I'm uncomfortable using those big girl dirty words (I mean it was MY Muse that suggested them after all.) But even when I'm lost in the joy of writing a voice in the back of my head (not my finicky Muse) winces when I start to get juicy. And that wince always sounds like my mother's. Because I haven't made it a big secret, my entire family is very aware that I'm writing a book. And even if it never hits bookshelves, they're gonna wanna read it.

It's wonderful to have their support, but my mother would be outraged that her daughter even knows about some of the things I'm writing. She has a great defense mechanism for things she can’t handle... it's called denial. Even though I'm living with a man (unmarried mind you,) to get over the shame of having such a slutty daughter she convinces herself nothing is going on. So were she to read my graphic descriptions of a blowjob, her little make-believe world would come crashing down. Because after all, writers write what they know. And while I wouldn't be lying if I said I haven't done everything I'm writing about (to my knowledge I've never had sex with a hunky alien) she'll know I'm pulling these scenes from somewhere.

I know I know. You all are thinking, “just get over it and write the way you need to write. You. Are. An. Adult.” And you would be absolutely right. In the end I’m sure my Muse will win out. Because as flighty as she is during the nitty gritty, I still need any assistance she can give. It would not be wise to piss of a horny Muse. Plus I’m pretty sure she’s Union, and Lord knows I don’t want to deal with THAT!

Wish me luck. Oh and two things:

1) It’s Friday, guess what I get to go sing at work? (Insert sarcastic “Yippee” here.)

2) The stripper/cameraman no longer works at my station. He either quit or got fired, but it’s a shame either way. He was a really good cameraman.

Crimson Tide

2006-10-10T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like ripping your ovaries out? Well I have.

Ok, to be honest that isn't a fair thing to say since many women have had their female parts removed and would give anything to have them back. And although I'm not volunteering mine, it'd be nice if having them weren't such a pain in the -- ok just a pain period. (get it, period.)

I've been thinking a lot about PMS and that time of the month (partly thanks to Adela's blog.) It seems that just about every female I know is going through some phase of her "Monthlies" right now. Kinda like when you and your roommates's hormones mess with each other and by the end of the year you're on the same schedule (suddenly not taking out the trash becomes a WW3 conflict.)

As much as I despise when men assume I'm being a bitch or unreasonable simply because it's "that time," there really is some validity to that statement. I don't always notice my personality switching because of hormones, but this month it's been painfully obvious.

My dad told me awhile ago what song he wants to dance to during our father/daughter wedding dance. It's a good choice but I hadn't heard it since he mentioned it. Then Friday I got in the car to go to work, guess what was playing? It's a miracle I didn't run over any small children during my bawling. But I thought "what a sweet song, of course I'll tear up once in awhile." During lunch that day I had an errand to run so I got back in my car and what do you think was playing on the radio? Yup, you got it.

But it doesn't end there. Twice more on Friday I heard that song, and I cried the same amount EVERY freaking time. So not typical behavior for me. By the third time I heard the song my first thought was, "what are the odds that this song just happens to come on every time I get in my car." and my second thought, as I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, was, "I am so PMSing."
The other sure sign that I was PMSing came during grocery shopping. I've always been taught not to shop for food when I'm hungry, well the same should apply to women who are about to "start." Walking by the Halloween candy aisle was pure torture. But I passed it by, only stopping to pick up a York pattie in the shape of a bat.

And the final sign, the "girls." I have no idea why this happens during PMS, but my breasts become painfully sensitive. Taking off my bra is always dicey during this time. A sudden move, or tangled strap can bring me to tears. And if I successfully free myself, I still have to bite my tongue against a gasp of pain when they first support their own weight. They throb in misery if JR even glances at them. Even the slightest touch during this time could bring me to my knees.

Dealing with unruly emotions and uncontrollable cravings during PMS must be a small sample of what being Pregnant is like. In fact one could view the entire menstrual cycle as a mini-pregnancy. Ovulation creates a high sex drive which is followed by weight gain(thank you water retention,) mood swings, sore boobs, food cravings, aches in strange places, and eventually contractions to rid the body of a mass of cells. Because really that's what cramps are, small contractions.

I never used to take pain medication during my crampy days because I felt I should toughen myself up and prepare for labor. Almost the same view I had at the dentist. I once let my dentist drill and fill a cavity without telling him that the Novocaine wasn't working, at all. Let me tell you, that was the worst hour of my life, I can't even describe the pain. But my adolescent reasoning was that it was my fault I had the cavity, so any pain I went through was deserved. Of course now I know that my dental hygiene is just fine and it's really my genetics to blame. So goodbye brave front, hello chemical oblivion.

Some women, and a lot of men, claim that period cramps don't exist. Those women who've never experience the white hot pain of cramps truly think the rest of us are making it up (Sis.) But as I got older they only got worse, and just wishing them away or trying to be bigger then them, doesn't work. I would often become physically ill, cry, and basically writhe around in misery unable to even sleep.

I now always have Midol on hand. And when the joyous day someday arrives and I'm delivering my first baby; I will haul my fat sweaty bloated body out of bed, hunt down, and kill the doctor unless he agrees to inject drugs into my spine. Because if what I feel for two days a month is only a small percentage of the pain I'll feel during labor, it's little wonder married men say they rarely get laid.

Strippers, Singing, and Reporters in Liederhosen

2006-10-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

All at one TV station.

I'm constantly asked how I'm liking my new J.O.B. (job in laymen's terms.) The first month in Toledo and I wasn't happy about it, mostly I was unhappy because I was new and felt like I didn't know anything (lack of knowledge is a big fear of mine.)

During my second month I was adjusting, but still feeling a major disconnect with my co-workers. And now in my third month I am respected for my work, but still don't feel close to my fellow TV workers. However they are an entertaining bunch.

Let's start with the Leiderhosen wearing Reporter. When I first met Rob I did not realize he worked at my station. But then again he was wearing suspenders with shorts and a jaunty green cap that had a feather sticking out. Oh, and did I mention he was Clog Dancing? I treated him like a yolkel who'd never seen a wireless mic before, boy was my face red when I learned who he was. But it was an honest mistake.

As long as I can remember I've worked or been around artists of all sorts. Singers, Dancers, Actors, Musicians, Painters, Photographers, Writers... etc, basically I'm used to being around creative people. I even worked at Walt Disney World where perkiness and enthusiasm were job requirements. But imagine my surprise when I discovered the "Friday Song," a mandatory event at work. It goes something like this :

"Cheer-up cheer-up Friday's here. Friday's here cheer-up! I'm glad it's Friday, you're glad it's Friday, so cheer-up cheer-up cheer-up !"

Yup, they gather everyone in a circle and sing/chant this little Anthem about a half-hour before the 5pm show every Friday. Needless to say this is beyond even me. And I haven't yet had the pleasure, but apparently there is a "Monday Song" as well... I shudder at the thought.

Despite this social anomaly of happy togetherness, the Newsroom is actually very similar to my old station. Even some of the same characters inhabit both places.

There is the Kaci-like P.A. who can kick ass and save the show, all in high-heel boots and perfect hair. The Proctor-clone who delights in showing me disgusting photos on his phone. The lumbering Kelsey wanna-be who insists he knows everything, but who everyone dislikes for his ineptitude. I could go on but you get the point.

Despite this I still haven't made any major connections to my co-workers. No after work get togethers, no gossip about station business, and no smoker's circle. To be fair I work mornings so the get-togethers are nearly impossible. I don't know enough people yet to even understand the gossip. And no one "hangs" outside because of the bums and hookers.

Maybe I'm just not giving myself enough time. It's only been three months, yet I guess I expected to have a group of work buddies by now. It seemed so easy to make friends in Lansing, and I didn't even live there, so why am I having problems with new friendships in Toledo?

When I started at FOX in Lansing I was already friends with a Photog. He had been there long enough to make his own friends and by simply knowing him I was more readily accepted. After only two months at FOX, we were all fired, which created a stronger bond and general comrade during the last month of our employment.

Then I went to NBC with a half-dozen of my FOX people. Even though we eventually made our own connections to the people there, at the start we had each other (and the booze) to fall back on. So really I have very little experience striking it out on my own. If I were on a different shift at my current station it may be easier for me since one of my former FOX peeps actually works there. But I've only seen him twice and we weren't super close anyway.

It all comes back to missing my Lansing friends. Who, if I think back carefully, only became REALLY close with me shortly before I left. But by the time I did leave I had all these great people to hang with and count on, I miss that a lot. I know it's not realistic, but I was hoping for something similar here. Maybe it just means this isn't the place I'm meant to be in the long run, and that's why the fit isn't quite right.

Oh, and the Stripper? He's a camera operator on the morning show. He's also a Bartender and a Personal Trainer. Oddly he's not very popular at the station. I only know about his stripping because I found him on MySpace where he advertises his services www.exposedstrippers.net I won't share his name, but he's on there. Yummy!

Porcelain Goddess

2006-09-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

I learned something Friday night.

No matter how germ-phobic you are, when you're tossing your cookies it doesn't matter one bit what you're kneeling on or touching. Those were my thoughts last night as my friend's toilet and I became acquainted. There's no way to keep your dignity while you're barfing up draft beer.

Actually my dignity was lost sometime earlier in the night, but I refuse to apologize about that. There is no way for me to stop myself once I get into one of my drunk moods. Most people I know have had the uncomfortable pleasure of being trapped into a conversation with me that's heavy on the personal side. And I can't say I'm sorry and it'll never happen again, because I know it will, it's who I am.

Honestly I needed a good drunken up-chuck session. I haven't had one like that since 2001 and the Vodka/Hawaiian Punch incident. I was well over due for a lesson in my alcohol tolerance level.

All in all I think it was a great send off bash for my former co-worker, once she gets over her hangover she's going to have a great time in D-town.

Confessions... IV

2006-09-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

I got my hair cut today. I've wanted to get it cut since before I moved to Toledo but:

A) I'm lazy
B) I'm cheap
C) I don't care all that much about my hair.

What finally drove me to do the deed was the constant headache I've had the past few weeks from wearing my hair up. That extra weight had to come off, so I caved and decided to spend the dough on a nice place and get a good haircut (no more Supercuts = a mullet for me.)

I'm not trendy or very good with fashion. Which is why I always feel like a failure after a haircut at a "real" Salon (you know, the ones where they offer you a drink.) It's the same feeling as having your Dentist harping on you about not flossing every time you see him. I always tell the girl (or sometimes guy) cutting my hair that I am LOW maintenance when it comes to hair.

If I wanted, I could trace my lack of hair knowledge back to my mother who never braided my hair or did much besides run a brush through it. Consequently the nifty little hair twist I often wear is actually a huge beauty technique success for me. For most of my life I couldn't even figure out how to make a decant ponytail.

Anyway, despite my insistences that I NEVER use product and don't own a flat iron, I ended up with a very styled, very gooey, very hip hair style. Thankfully I also got a good enough cut so when I wake up tomorrow I won't look like a complete freak after I do my hair.

But this brings to light how exhausting it is for me to live in a world of ever changing fads. Just when I think I've caught up, I pause to take a look around and realize I've fallen way behind again. Today was one of those days.

Back from my hair appointment I felt good, like, "Yes I'm back on track." And then I logged onto MySpace. There I discovered that I am once again so very behind.

It started with a trip to my friend Brandi's page. She's got an ultra cool hair style (she always has a great one.) Now, her hair cut isn't something I could wear, but it made me wonder about how she's always up with the latest fashions. To be honest I feel like a frump next to her wicked style.

Then I hoped over to another friend's page. For some silly reason I though I was familiar with all the hot songs out right now. But nope, the one by Akon playing on her page was new to me. Hell, I still though of JT's Sexyback as being the hip song of the moment, when really it's getting old already. Guess I need to lay off the NPR on the way to work.

Talking to someone last week I ripped on Leggings being back in style, and today my totally cool hair dresser was wearing a pair (and she looked good!)

I just can't keep up, but every six months or so I say to myself, "Get it together girl, you're falling into loser-land again." So I pick myself up, learn a new accessory technique or two, download a few new songs to my IPOD, and try to pass myself off as anything but the dork I truly am.

Only it never lasts, and it wears me out trying to play dress up. So then I sink back into "What the hell do I care what others think of me" mode and get on with my life until the "cool" bug bites me again.

What it ultimately comes back to is epitomized perfectly by one of Weird Al's new songs. I really am just too "White and Nerdy."

Peachy Keen

2006-09-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

I meant to post on Friday but I came down with what I'm fairly sure is strep throat and didn't feel like it. But since I'm insurance-less and it'd cost $130 to just SEE a doctor, not to mention any lab tests or perscriptions, I'm gonna wait this one out.

I know it's unbelievably rude of me to not go get treated for a highly contagious sickness, but what can I do. By the time I realized I most likely had strep throat (thanks to a diagnosis for WebMD) I had already spread my germs around and was past the worst of it. Besides, I didn't feel that sick. A scratchy throat and a little tired, but still fuctional.

Only the red blotches on the back of my throat indicate that I'm sicker than I feel.

But back to why I was going to blog on Friday. Friday was September 22nd. Which means it was that in exactly one year I'd be Mrs. JR. YEA!!!

Planning is still at a stand still, but now I feel more motivated to tackle it, once I'm done being sick. In less than a year I'm getting married ^_^*

Flying the Fatty Skies

2006-09-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Quick blog. This morning at work my Producer was going over the guest segments for our show (we usually have 10 to 12 guests on Saturdays for our two-hour morning show.)

Anyway one of the guest segments was promoting a local female gym (mine BTW) and their special "Bridal Bootcamp" to help brides-to-be lose weight. It's a total scam ($500 for two months.) Well today they brought along a girl who is their biggest success. She's lost total 80 pounds in 3 years, going from a size 24 to a 12. Now my Producer, a tiny guy I mistook for a high school freshman when I saw him, says:

"Well, is that really such a success.. I mean a size 12 is still kinda big right?"

Keep in mind that this is also the guy who was appalled to learn that airlines say the average weight of their passengers is 195. In his mind that is mammoth. He figured the average male weight was around 200, so for the average of all people to be nearly that there must be a lot of severly obese flyers.

So I looked at him and thought "this guy must be joking." But nope, to him dropping to a size half as big as you were before isn't a success. He's a nice guy, but not obviously not very with it. To make him uncomfortable I told him I was almost a size twelve..he turned red ^_^*

Take a Picture, it Lasts Longer!

2006-09-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

I got hit on leaving the gym today. But wait, it gets better. Since I go to an all female gym It's pretty much a given that I won't have to suffer from "come-ons" (unless a lesbian takes a liking to me.)

Yet today while walking to my car I got the double honk from a guy in a pick-up. Granted my gym is in a strip mall next to a hardware store so guys in pick-ups are common place, and maybe the honk wasn't meant for me, but it threw me off for a second. I shot a mean look in the direction of the guy in the truck, I couldn't see inside because of a glare, then got in my car and left.

The drive back to my apartment is only two miles with maybe four traffic lights in between. Stopped at a main light a battered Jeep pulls up next to me and a greasy Hispanic man sticks his head out the window and gives me the Joey "how you doin'?" look.

Now, nothing against those of Mexican descent since I know plenty who aren't greasy, but I was creeped out by this walking stereotype. For one thing, I had just left the gym. Meaning I had several unattractive things going for me at once.

But apparently this guy didn't mind the sweat stains or what a friend of mine affectionately calls the "mono-boob" (what happens to a woman's chest in a sports bra.) Beyond that he must dig chicks with bits of balled up deodorant under their arms and messy ponytails.

What must have turned him on the most would be my make-up free face which, thanks to my favorite time of the month, has spontaneously erupted in acne and red blotches. To give the guy credit he got about half a second to assess my "fuckability" before getting a good look.

So maybe it was my car. Gee, if the women of the world had any idea that an orange Focus would be the ultimate turn-on for men, Ford wouldn't be in such bad financial trouble. I'm delighted when JR wants to snuggle up to me after I've had a hard sweaty work-out, even if I push him away for his own good. But this guy crossed some sort of line with me.

I don't know why I was so insulted, I've been hit on by much bigger low-lifes in much weirder places. Maybe I was just pissed off that beauty comes at such a high price. People often ask me how I lost so much weight And while I never have the same answer, one thing is always true; it took work, hard awful work. It wasn't fun or easy and I have to fight every freakn' day to maintain.

So being checked out by some yahoo on the street when I look my absolute worst because I'm trying to look good does not impress me. All it proves is that most men are pigs who will screw anything with a vagina (or at least what they think is a vagina.) What's even worse is that I suspect he knew exactly how awful I looked and thought, "Hey look, she must be desperate. Bet she'd have sex with my gross self if I threw her a kernel of attention." Arg... I'm getting tinted windows.

Holy Toledo

2006-09-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

You know, Toledo gets a lot of flack for being a bad city. But I've been thinking about it lately and have thought of some pretty neat things about living in Toledo, (or even Ohio,) vs. living in mid-Michigan. Here's a list.

1) Road projects actually get done months ahead of time and under budget.

2) $2.15 a gallon gas (and dropping.)

3) No smoking allowed in restaurants.

4) I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance and I didn't have to switch to Geico.

5) No playing Dodgem with pot-holes on the Freeway.

6) If you get a craving for a Subway sub, you'll never have to travel further than a half-mile to get one.

7) Bars in 30% of strip malls.

8) Can't legally go faster than 65 mph anywhere in the State.

9) Strip Clubs that double as sports bars (with occasional outdoor BBQ's.)

10) Living in Toledo I have a better chance of seeing local native Katie Holmes' baby Suri, then her parents do.

11) If I wanted Crack or Hookers I could pick some up on the way to work.

12) All the "high" class Republicans.

13) Not having to cover non-fatal shootings or house fires unless it's a slow news day.

14) Toledo was once called "The Black Swamp," if that's not proof of it's greatness I don't know what is.

All right, so the tone of this blog took an unexpected downward spiral at the end there. Maybe the reason I don't think Toledo's all that bad, is because it actually used to be a part of Michigan.

Yup, that is a true fact. In 1835 the Michigan/Ohio war began. It was brief and the only injury was a bar-fight stabbing, but in the end Michigan lost Toledo. As a compromise they were given the final third of what we now call the U.P.

History rocks!

So there you have it. Next time you hear someone from Michigan spouting off about how terrible Toledo is, just remember that Toledoans are really just Michigan POWs.

Everyone needs a little change.

2006-09-05T06:19:00.000-07:00

Today marks the two month anniversary of my new job in Toledo. It's also a special day for me because of what I did this morning.

When I left Lansing at the end of June, I was also leaving behind the job title of photographer. I truly believed I would never pick up a news camera again. I'm happy to say I was wrong.

I was filling in today for a girl at our station who doesn't have an exact job title. She just kinda does whatever needs to be done. That I was even asked to fill in for her is a big deal. It shows a level a trust by my boss that I hadn't expected for at least a few more months. On top of that, no other PA has even been asked to take over her duties.

One of the duties I did today was shoot the live weather shots outside our station. Not really a big deal but it made me feel good. After explaining to several people that "yes I have done this before," I was left alone. The weather hits were simple but I'm told I did them much better than the person who usually does them (i.e. they were in focus, the right color, and bright enough-- tough I know.)

Either I've lost significant muscle in my arms, or the cameras at my new station are much heavier. I choose to believe they're heavier because otherwise I'm a super wimp who can barely lift a thirty pound camera to my shoulder.

I also got to edit a little, which is also something that the girl I filled in for can't do. Not that I had much success. The system they use is bad.... really bad. And slow and stupid, and even if an editor position at my station opened up I doubt I'd take it because their system is worse then editing tape-to-tape.

The one thing I kinda liked that I had never done before was producing. Ok, actually I only produced the cut-ins, (meaning I dumped previous scripts into a rundown and attached video,) the radio scripts (arg, what a pain in the ass those were,) and the newsticker (hope I didn't have any spelling errors.) It was scary/exciting.

I played it cool, but in my head I was like "Oh my god, you're actually going to trust me with writing something for the anchors to read...live?" I did good (again meaning no one noticed a difference,) even if it was difficult to do my job when I have absolutely no power. As a lowly PA I don't have computer access to a lot of the things I needed, printers for one.

It was a learning experience and I kinda enjoyed it. I'm still at bit baffled as to why I was entrusted with such "important" duties, but I don't mind if they have me fill in more often.
On a final note. Once people discovered that I had once been a photog (I've mentioned it a hundred times) they were quick to point out that there are several positions open. On one hand it would make great financial sense for me to jump back into my camera-toting ways.

But standing outside the station at five o'clock this morning in downtown Toledo I saw several bums walk by and was taunted by drivers on the road..... yeah, so not gonna roam around the city alone everyday with a piece of equipment worth more than my car.

So PA Sassy I will remain. Who knows, maybe this is the start of a path towards Producing....'k most likely not, but still I can dream.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

2006-08-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to Lori, who asked me to blog, but in truth I was going to anyway.

Ladies and Gents. Boys and girls. Grab your wall calendars and a red marker. This is a day that will go down in history. Today I, SassyJill, bought a pair of jeans, (at full price mind you,) in a size 10.

Yup, that’s right, a size 10 (and it wasn’t even a Woman’s size 10.) Never in my post-puberty existence have I come close to squeezing my ass in a pair of jeans that small.

Some of you, the guys especially, are probably thinking it strange that I’m loudly broadcasting my pant size across the Internet. Really weird if you’re a guy who thinks the average woman is a size 6 (dream on boys.) But the girls out there who know how hard I’ve worked over the past two years realize that I am completely ecstatic.

Over two years ago I was buying my clothes in Plus Size sections of stores. But today I had to send JR back to get me smaller sizes. Imagine my shock when I tried on a pair of jeans in what I though was a tiny size 12 and they gaped at the waist!

So I have reached my wedding dress goal size, a full year ahead of time. My challenge now is to maintain or, dare I hope, drop to a single-digit size 8.

There are only two downfalls to losing weight (and I’m not really complaining here.) One is that I have a closet full of clothes I can no longer wear. And two, I’ve lost most of my boobs.

When I was overweight my boobs were my best assets. Anytime I’d want to look good I’d shove those babies up and out in a classic distraction technique. The theory was if people were starring at the girls, they weren’t starring at my fat rolls.

I’m strangely ok with the loss of the girls; I haven’t bothered to ask JR’s opinion on this.

The main reason I went shopping today was to get a pair of shoes. Workout shoes to be specific. Lately my feet have been losing feeling if I’m on the Elliptical for too long, not the healthiest feeling to have your foot suddenly go numb after two miles. I figured it was time for me to get some “real” athletic shoes instead of my $10 Wal-Mart brand.

Of course while at the mall I had to stop in the bookstore. That’s how I reward myself for doing unpleasant things, like shopping, I always get myself a treat. Today’s treat was two new romance novels, (heavy on the steamy side) and a giant cookbook that was on clearance.

I didn’t realize how long we’d been at the mall because apparently my watch had stopped sometime during my excitement over jeans (which by the way I have to take back to get the ink-tag removed…arg.) This is my third watch to break in some fashion in the last month. Wally-World and me need to have an intervention. It’s just so hard to resist the ease of one-stop shopping. Someday though I’ll get it through my head that I’ll end up doing less shopping if I buy better quality items.

JR’s response to my comment about how early it was went something like “Are you smoking crack?” ::sigh:: Yup, that’s the love of my life right there. But seriously he’s such a good sport. As much as I hate to shop I can only imagine how painful it is for him to watch me hating to shop.

On a footnote, the book is coming along nicely. I was able to write over three thousand words yesterday (to compare this blog has under 700 words in it.) Of course today I’ve opted out of writing in order to read one of the new books I bought. I’m calling it research and not feeling the slightest bit guilty about it. Hmm, wonder if I could write off my store-bought romance novels as business expenses? Diffidently something to consider.

A little less conversation...

2006-08-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

As many of you have heard, I'm writing a book. Actually I'm writing a series of romance/sci-fi novels. It is an ambitious undertaking but I feel that I'm up to it.

The idea came to me while I was working out one day. I was thinking about how I'm not real happy with my current job and in a few years I hope I'm doing something better. That thinking lead me to wonder where I'd be in five years and what I'd be doing.

I think most people think, "Someday I'd like to write a book." Well I'm one of those folks. So sitting on the exercise bike that day I got to thinking about how I'd market a book.

There are so many good ideas out there today but you really have to have one that stands out. I knew if I were to write a book it had to be a romance. On top of that it had to be supernatural of sci-fi in some way.

Unfortunately there are already a ton of really great authors who are published in those genres. If I were going to break into writing I had to have a catch.. like all the titles had to have the word "Black" in them or something.

Then all of a sudden an entire world of heroes and villains popped into my head. It was the most amazing thing. To go from thinking about nothing to not being able to turn your brain off. Ideas were flying through my head so fast I hardly remember stopping in the middle of my workout and driving home to the nearest pad of paper.

For two hours I jotted down ideas for not one, but at least nine novels, most of them already have titles. I went online and did some research to see if I was getting my facts right. By this point I'd been awake for almost 24 hours.

JR was out of town for the weekend and I had to work at six in the morning but I couldn't let it go. I tried laying down once and immediately got back up and turned on my laptop. I wrote the first three chapters non-stop before I finally collapsed after being awake for close to thirty hours.

The next day I got up, went to work, and when I came home I wrote two more chapters.
The day after that I did some more research and edited what I had wrote. Then JR came home, and I couldn't write a damn thing.

Part of me wanted to shove my book in his face and make him read it and tell me how great it was. Then a few minutes later I'd have the insane urge to slam my laptop shut if he walked behind me.

And so it's been. I love JR to distraction, and that's exactly what he is. But it's all good. My pace has slowed, but I've managed to write twelve thousand words so far. I need at least four times that to even get in the ballpark of a normal novel length.

The biggest challenge for me has been battling my fear. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. My grammar skills and spelling suck. I have no formal training and no publisher connections. What keeps me writing is the enjoyment I'm getting from creating my own universe and the belief that I have a really good idea.

And what is my idea...?

Well I'm not ready to share that. I tried explaining it to JR and he got all glassy eyed on me. So I'm going to work on my book first then worry about how to describe it to people. Hopefully it's good enough I won't be doing much of that.

Pipe Dreams

2006-08-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

I've fallen into a rut that sometimes happens with me. See, if nothing new or exciting has happened in my life I kinda drop of the radar. Meaning I forget to call my family or friends(or blog), cause I have nothing to say. It's bad because I should be calling them to see if they have anything to say. But alas, I figure if something's going on they'll let me know.

So nothing real big happening with me. Works fine, JR's great, Wedding Planning...is well, kinda halted at the moment. Not that I've lost interest, I just don't know what to do next. JR asked me a few days ago that now that we have our ceremony and reception site locked in what's next?

I didn't really have an answer for him. I mean I guess we should figure out the "mood" of the wedding and maybe our colors. But I sorta want to wait and see about a dress first. Of all the dresses I've looked at online I've found one that I love. But I need to see it in person and try it on. And I'm trying not to get my heart set on it in case it doesn't match the overall "theme" we end up choosing. But it is a great dress.

Two big reasons I've not run out to David's Bridal to try this dress on just for kicks. One, I promised sister that I'd go dress shopping with her when she comes to Michigan for Christmas.

Reason two being that I'm still trying to lose those last 10 or 15 pounds before I look for a dress. I'm not gonna be a bride who wants only the dress she'd look good in after she's lost 20 lbs. I want to try on a dress and be able to say "If I stay at this weight I'll still look great in this dress."

So I'm stalling, but I have been working out on a regular basis, and I haven't gained any weight like I feared I would when I moved to Toledo. On a side note: My gym is an all ladies gym but a few weeks ago they had a bake-sale. Not a "healthy snacks" bake sale, it was a full out temptation buffet. My thinking is that they either made a killing, or didn't sell a damn thing.

I for one thought it was cruel. My self control is pretty good nowadays, but a lot of the women at the gym have quite a ways to go before they can lose the obese status. I wish them the best, but it's gotta be hard when even your own gym is trying to get you to cheat.

Yup, life is pretty normal right now, which is good. I've started writing a book, on chapter six right now. I figured with all the money I sink into the publishing industry each month, I should take a shot at being an author myself.

I know it has a 0.01% chance of becoming anything, but I'm enjoying myself. And since it is a romance novel JR's going to help me with "research" every now and again. I don't hear him complaining.

On yet another side note. A friend blogged about some weird dreams she's been having lately. Well I too have been having some frightening dreams myself. Several nights(or days depending on my work schedule) a week for the past month I've been having dreams in which I'm pregnant.

I'm not, pregnant that is. But I'm wondering where this idea is coming from. Yes, I do want kids very much, but I sure as hell don't want them right now. It could be because I know several women who are pregnant or just had babies. The dreams also seem to occur on days that I go to the gym.

To explain, almost every time I go to the gym I see at least one pregnant woman there. Usually it's the same three or four women. It always bothers me to see them because they are VERY pregnant, but in obviously better shape than me. One of them even uses the dumbells.

Now, I'm no expert but it seems to me that these women shouldn't be straining themselves so much. When a 7 month pregnant lady can out pace me on the treadmill I worry about the fetus's health. I'm sure a light workout is great for both mom and baby, but these ladies seem obsessed. I could be wrong.

SMFAT

2006-08-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

Not it's not a new diet supplement, or ghetto lingo. It's more along the lines of LOL and BRB. SMFAT, or in laymen terms; Shaking My Fist At Technology, is just what I feel like doing lately.
Actually I've had the urge for quite some time now.

I remember a quote from one of the more recent Bond movies where the villain asks one of his tech guys how the new computer software was coming along. The tech guys response was "As requested, it's full of bugs, which means that people will have to upgrade for years."

Seems villainous, but sadly very possible that the computer geniuses of the world are having a big laugh at our expense. Why else would they make it so every two or three weeks you have to download some new flash player, or security upgrade just to view a website or run a game you bought?

And why then after you download said upgrades your computer suddenly starts taking a crap? Not shutting down, adding files that can never be erased and occasionally crashing your PC. It's impossible to know who and what programs to trust, even from mainstream companies. And if you do trust them, is it best for YOUR computer to listen to them.

It's no wonder my mother thinks I'm a computer wiz just because I know how to use keyboard short-cuts. Because when she buys a new security system for her computer and the Geek Squad can't even get it to work, it puts into relief how un-computer savvy the average person is.

I mean could you tell me at this very moment how much free RAM you have, or what your Video and Sound cards are? I sure as hell couldn't, and I consider myself to be moderately computer savvy.

In fact I used to be a pro with computers. Back in High School when Windows 96 was brand new. I had a computer geek for a best friend and learning to navigate Windows was ridiculously easy. But then Windows 98 came along and I no longer had the patience to sit for hours on end and dick around with the ins and outs of the system.

And so it continues. The bigger and better that technology gets, the lazier and stupider I get about it. I'm SMFAT and next time I get a pop-up telling me upgrades are available, I'm going to seriously consider saying no, maybe, unless the pop-up says I really need it.

'Til Death, and other canned laughs

2006-07-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged but I just had to get something off my chest. Living with my man has gone relatively easy so far and I'm glad. But there is one thing no one bothered to warn me about.

Apparently when you actually live with a significant other some of your habits have to change. One I hadn't really thought about was shaving. Yup that's right, shaving.

I know some find this gross but I don't like to shave my legs very often. It was never an issue before since I only saw JR once a week if I was lucky. Therefore what did it matter if my legs got a little stubbly? I don't wear shorts so it was doubtful anyone would ever know.

Now however I feel as if I have to touch up every day on my legs. The result; dry itchy abused skin on my legs. And yes I do use shaving cream and lotion afterward.

Hopefully I'll get over this need to stay silky smooth for my man (he only shaves when he absolutely has to for work.) I saw a commercial on TV for a new sitcom about several couples that got me thinking about all this. One of the couples are Newlyweds and the commercial shows a clip of the wife saying she was going to paint her toenails in the bathroom because her husband shouldn't have to see that kind of thing.

The next clip was from a couple who've been married for awhile. The man comes in to the bedroom telling the wife that she won't believe what he has. He pulls out a huge gross toenail clipping and they both examine it with interest.

JR and I are like the second couple a lot of the time. But there are still things I have problems with. Example: going to the bathroom. I have severe performance anxiety if I think he can see, hear, smell, or even suspect I'm doing anything personal on the potty. In fact I'll make him turn up the TV and stay well away from the bathroom if I feel the need to go.

I was reading a women's magazine a few years ago and in it that had some tips for keeping you relationship "hot." The number one tip was to keep personal hygiene out of the bedroom, and to not let your man see you doing "maintenance" on yourself. We had a good laugh over it saying we'd never be that uptight.

Mostly we're very open and un-grossed out by each other, but I still have a few hang-ups. Shaving is just one I never expected to have.

Life in Progress

2006-07-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

My life just got significantly better, my Internet service came early. Kind of like an early birthday present from Verizon. I find it funny hoe JR scoffed at my whining about not having Internet. Yet when I woke up today he was busy hooking up HIS computer to MY Internet.

I don't really care, he can use it to his hearts content. I just laugh at how for 9 months he thought he was fine without it at home; and now he's all about it.

In any case, I'm a much happier me today. On top of FINALLY being re-connected to the world, I've also had a breakthrough with some of my Gym issues. I discovered a branch of my Gym that is in a better part of town and closer to my apartment. It's a lot better. The equipment is newer and there are no windows, which I think added to my insecurities at the other place.

Now to make my life even better I need to figure out how to get sleep and be more comfortable at work.

Making Richard Simmons Proud

2006-07-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

I joined a Gym. They were having a special sign-up deal $15 a month for two years. That's not bad if you consider that JR is paying at least three or four times that a month where he works out.

It's a Ladies only Gym, but not like Curves in anyway. Some of the girls there are hard core. And even though there are plenty of women in worse shape than I, I'm still intimidated.

This is one reason I HATE working out. For one, my workout clothes are never as trendy as some. I just can't see blowing cash on clothes I'm going to sweat in.

Secondly, even though it's an all women Gym there are still people judging you. I know I'm guilty of looking around and critiquing the way the bigger girls just putz around, when I should be congratulating them for even getting off their asses.

So it makes me wonder what Miss Size 2, who doesn't sweat and has a killer tan, thinks about my white jiggly thighs on the treadmill. It's hard to focus on yourself when you're thinking about everyone around you. Sometimes it makes me work harder, other times I quit before I start.

It's just not a world I'm comfortable in and I feel like everyone there can tell I'm a fraud who doesn't belong. For example, the girl who signed me up was shocked that I was turning 25 this week. She thought I looked 17.

I was not flattered in the least. Either she thought I looked young and immature without make-up and wearing the perviously mention sloppy clothes; or she thought to "get in good" with the older lady by saying she looked young. I for one thought this girl wasn't old enough to drink.

But I'll go several times a week because I am getting married in a little over a year and want to be in peak condition. I'm terribly afraid that "living in sin" will turn into "living with cellulite" if I don't stay on top of my weight (not that I don't already have cellulite but you know what I mean.)

So wish me luck in losing these last 15 pounds and staying away from the Cheesecake my mom baked for my birthday.

Almost hit a deer

2006-07-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

..on the way to work my first day. For those of you who know me you'll know why this sucks so much. One of the bonuses of my new job was the commute to work was a fraction of what I used to drive, AND it's all city driving.

But there I was 3:00am on I-475 in Toledo (which is brightly lit the entire way,) and there go a couple of deer. So now I've got to decide to risk the deer on the Freeway; or I can take the side streets through some not so nice areas (I saw several Hookers one night) to work every morning. I just can't win.

Something I forgot to mention in my last blog about how work can be frustrating was that it's all worth it. I've had moments of doubt and loneliness. I've questioned several times if I really HAD to give up a job I liked and great friends so soon. These moments however, are short lived.

For one, I'm not going to lose my work friends THAT quickly. Two, there were quite a few things about my old job I really hated. Three, my other living situation was unacceptable. And even if those factors didn't exist the truth is without JR, life is fairly meaningless.

I heard an old song on the radio yesterday that spelled it out perfectly how I feel. It's Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight, you've heard it. In one line she sings "I'd rather live in his world than without him in mine."

That said, living with JR for the first time is going well. We've had one tiff and that was about the fact that we don't have Internet yet (I asked him to set it up months ago.) Sleep is another issue for us, ok it's an issue for me.

Going to work at 3:30am poses problems for a couple whose work schedules are so different. Thus far he has woken up for my alarm at 2:00am more than me. He says he doesn't remember most of the time but I still feel bad. On top of that I'm not getting much sleep (sorry I just can't go to bed at 6:00pm.) I thought I was tired on my old shift, but I was bed slug compared to now.

JR's a good roommate. He's clean, he likes to cook and he's considerate about not making a lot of noise. We don't have as much time together as I thought we would but maybe that's a good thing. I get every Saturday night off so that's something at least.

On a side note. I was at my parents house this weekend. My dad asked me one morning how I slept. I told him I was fine. He then said it must be nice for me to get to sleep in a bed instead of on the couch. ARG, honestly, how am I supposed to react to that?

4s are 7s and 7s are 4s

2006-07-14T13:26:00.000-07:00

... meaning my new Producer has poor hand writting.

My new job is ok. Nothing terribly bad, but nothing outstandingly good either. I am now an overnight Production Assistant.

At my new station this means I roll the Prompter and Floor Direct, or I run the Cyron and punch up graphics during the show. I also make the graphics using several computer programs.

Not Brain Surgery that's for sure, but there is a learning curve. Meaning I have gone from being the person who answers questions for people, to being the one ASKING them. And I hate that.

Of course I'm going to make mistakes but I hate it that people assume I'm going to make them before I do. So far I have impressed my co-workers and bosses by how quickly I've picked up on how they do things. However there are a few individuals who only know me as "the new girl" and take it upon themselves to tell me things.

Take today for example. Show was over and I had been on the floor. I messed up a few things but nothing major. I was wrapping up a cable that goes with our hand-held prompter. This older women who was running one of the cameras pointed out that I was wrapping the cable wrong.

Ok, stop. I have a Bachelor's degree in Broadcasting and have spent over two-years in television. I think somewhere along the line I picked up on how to properly wrap a cable. If I am doing it wrong it is either out of laziness or because the cable has been wrapped wrong so many times before the only way to give it any shape is to continue doing what others before me had done.

Since I'm the new kid on the block, I'm not being lazy about anything. That conversation is like so many I've had this past week and a half. And it's extremely frustrating to me although I know it's a cross I must bear.

The other bug in my butt is the News department. Producers, please treat the PA's kindly. Not that anyone in News has been mean, in fact everyone is fairly nice, but they're cold and talk down to me. After all I am only a PA.

Part of me understands why, and in the back of my head is all those times I ignored or thought less of PA's at my old station. A Production Assistant is at the bottom of the totem pole at any station. Usually they are new to TV and are either in college or never went.

Consequently it's somewhat of a revolving door position. I can understand how those in News shrink away from getting too close to a person who won't be around all that long. Still it stings to feel left out of the "cool kids" crowd.

That said the other PAs are very nice and cool people. Slowly I'm working up to building friendships. I'm very homesick for News 10. Even though I hardly (if ever) got to see my co-workers outside of work, the comfort/friendship level was high and I miss it.

My former Producer had it right when she told me it wouldn't be as fun to work overnights somewhere else. We had a tight group at 10. At my new station there are a lot more people around. I've had to cut back on my swearing dramatically. I dropped an F-bomb today at work and wasn't sure what to do. A few of the folks around me flinched ::sigh:: I miss you girls.

I've got more to say, of course, but am once again running out of computer time at the Library. July 24th and my new DSL service can't come soon enough for me. I'll write more on work later. And I'll soon be writing about life with JR in Toledo, the Glass City (minus the G and L at times.)

Ta Ta for now.

Sinful Life

2006-07-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

Whew, ok I'm back, sorta. I still don't have Internet and won't for a least two more weeks. But today I did get my Ohio Driver's License and therefore was able to get my Library card. So right now I'm typing on a shitty computer with snotty kids running around, but a least I'm back in the loop.

And let me tell you it's hard to be out of the "loop." When you have the option of using the Internet you can take it or leave it. When you're faced with the reality that you absolutely have no way to get online, you go a little nutty. Add to that I'm PMSing and homesick and you get a very bitchy me.

All right, now to nitty gritty, living in Ohio. The initial move was uneventful, but tiring. I tried to cut back on the amount of stuff to bring so I wouldn't overwhelm JR. Now I wish I'd brought more. I see all this empty space in the apartment and am itching to fill it.

My parents have long said that they wouldn't pay for a wedding if Jeremy and I "lived in sin." That comment alone is hilarious considering my parents and I are Atheist and we've never been to church. I realized long ago it was all bluff, but I still tried to not flaunt my "sinful" acts in front of them. So the wedding is still on (and paid for) but my Father's parting words "You two gonna flip a coin to see who gets the couch?"

I walked away with out a word, I think JR chuckled.

So there is installment #1 of my grand adventure thus far in the state of Ohio. I'd write more, but I'm on a time limit, and I wasn't kidding about the quality of this computer, the keyboard sucks! So look for volume's two, three and maybe four soon.

Radio Silence

2006-06-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a procrastinator. I haven't properly packed for my move to Ohio and I'm feeling the strain now.

You'd think that with two weeks to prepare I'd be on top of the situation (I am the queen of lists and planning,) but when it comes to actually doing, I suck. And now, although I'm not yet in panic mode, I am stressed. So what did I do about it last night? I read a book, yes an entire book.

I did a little packing as well, but not enough. If I wasn't going to pack I should have a least taken a nap, but I didn't ::sigh:: So now I'm half asleep (aided by the goodbye confetti cake Abby baked me, and Tammy's bagels) and struggling with the knowledge that I have a crap load to do today and I'll be lucky to get ANY sleep.

Such is my life. But with the new job I think it will be easier. It's still third shift but that's ok because they're short shifts and fewer days. Add to that the fact that I now have a 15 minute drive vs the hour I commute now. Things are looking up.

I am incredibly sad to be leaving work. I've gained so much from work over the past couple years and am grateful for all of it. I'll miss my morning crew girls the most. I haven't had "real" friends like them in a long time. My hope is that we stick by our promises to keep in touch. I fully expect them to help me as my wedding draws nearer. And if not help, than at least take me out and get shit-faced once in a while.

I could go on and get sappier, but I'm sure I'll be sappy enough at the party we're having tonight.

On a final note, expect little contact with me for a few days. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about internet at JR's, so it may take some time to set it up to our satisfaction.

Shop 'til You Drop

2006-06-23T10:29:00.001-07:00

I’ve decided to own up to the fact that I am indeed picky (stop laughing people!) I came to the conclusion today that, although I’d like to think I’m a laid back chick, I am in fact borderline high-maintenance.

Point one: I have the taste pallet with the sophistication of a seven year old. If it’s green I hate it, and if it’s good for me I won’t touch it.

Point two: I like to be comfortable. So much so that I have I will spend more effort on getting comfy than I will on just about anything else. To add to that, I have a particular order in which certain things must be done, almost in an OCD way (ok, go ahead and call me anal.)

Point three: Discovered today but suspected for some time. I’m cheap. At least when it comes to clothing (leave my book buying budget alone.) I know I’ve covered this topic before, but I HATE shopping. I once believed it was my body type that prevented me from enjoying shopping. But I now feel that I am just too damn picky and cheap to be allowed to roam free inside a mall.

The source of my problem? Every girl has found that “dream buy.” You know, the 75% of item that seems like it was made just for you. Well I have been blessed several times by such finds, therefore when I come across a situation where I’m expected to pay full price for clothes I only kinda like, I just can’t do it. Thus creating my issue with not ever being able to find what I want when I go shopping.

I shop like a guy too, which I’m sure doesn’t help the situation. When I go to a store I generally have one or two items in mind. Even if I come across a great find, I’m not very likely to buy it unless I can think of an instance where I might wear it in the near future.

Example: I saw cute, cheap jeans today. But I wasn’t looking for cute jeans. I’m more than sure I could use a pair or two of jeans, but I didn’t want to bother trying them on, so good-bye $12.99 boot-cuts. Guess I can only focus on one thing at a time when shopping.

So if this is the source of my shopping woes, the solution must be to win the lottery. Than I won’t give a damn if I buy something I only wear once.

P.S. I did manage to find a new top to wear this weekend, which I got a dollar off of because I pointed out a missing bead to the cashier. See what I mean, it’s a compulsion.

White Knuckles

2006-06-21T22:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting a new job soon, and I'm kinda nervous. I've been really lucky thus far with jobs after college. My first out of college job was made easier by the fact that a friend basically got me in. He was a cool guy, therefore I was deemed "cool by association."

Then after we all (the entire newsroom) got the boot, a half dozen of us ended up at another station together. Made that transition hella easy since we weren't alone at a new place.
Now I'm striking out on my own. It's scary. I'm what you'd call "socially inept." I speak to loud and reveal too much. I either play dumb or act like a know-it-all. And in general I lean on my fiancé too much.

So although I know it'd be nice to make friends right away, I've got to really concentrate on making a good impression. I've had some inspiration lately that I hope will help me.

About a month ago we got a new News Assistant. She was very pretty and smiled a lot. But she also talked... a lot. And I'm sorry but at 2:3o in the morning almost no one is chatty. She would apologize for EVERYTHING and send you three or four different kinds of thank yous if you showed her how to do something or helped her out. If you complained about something or someone at work she would tell you how great you were and how she had faith in you. Keep in mind she'd only been there a few weeks.

It was as if she had read a book on how to "make an impression at work" and took it to the extreme. She got so annoying that we couldn't stand it when we knew she was coming in. And although we were never out-rightly mean (I don't think) she ended up quitting. Her excuse to us was the hours were hard for her to handle. To other people she claimed she quit because she wasn't making any friends.

Now I know I'm not that needy or phony, but I'm still concern about the people at this new station. I know how much I resent having new people here, no matter how good they are. So what if this new place is even tougher on the new folks. JR and I know virtually no one in Toledo, except our bartender, and I really want some friends. But beyond that, I hope I excel at this job. Guess I'm just having the usual pre-job jitters.

Victory is mine!

2006-06-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

I got the job I got the job I got the job.

Despite all my hand wringing and hemming and hawing (more hemming than hawing) I still managed to get myself hired. Yes it's only a Production Assistant job, but it's a start.

Funny the way life works. For months I've been feeling down and like my life was going nowhere, than BAM! The love of my life asks me to marry him, and a few weeks later I get a job so I can move-in with him. I've always felt that things happen for a reason and although you should never just sit back and expect things to come to you, sometimes you have to let the wheels of Fate do the heavy moving.

So I'm extremely happy, if not a little scared.

It's a big step in my life, and JR's. Things are gonna get really crazy for me in the next couple of weeks, and then hopefully they'll quite down again so I can start some serious wedding plans. I hope I like this job, I want it to work.

I'll show you Sassy

2006-06-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

Since I'm sure everyone has been waiting on baited breath for me to blog, I'll say I'm sorry I've neglected writing. Sometimes it seems there's nothing going on and all I do is blog, and then when stuff actually happens I can't seem to get motivated to talk about it. This week was one of the latter (that word always makes me think of climbing things.)

First, the interview. Went well, won't find out anything until next week. On a side note about the interview- the day of my PA interview I went to all the Toledo TV Station's websites out of habit. Oh Shit! Was my response when I found an Editor job at a different station that had been posted for a few days.

I wish I had caught it earlier because then I could have sent out a tape that day and possibly been able to get my dream job. But no, I'm a procrastinator and although I'd been thinking about putting a resume tape together, I never actually got around to it.

So this week I've been frantically putting together stuff for a tape. It's kinda weak, but I edit so much it's hard to remember what my best everyday stuff is. The tape is in the mail, I hope they get it by Friday.

And since this editor job is my dream job I know there is no way in hell I'll get it. This will be the third time I've applied for a job at this station and they've yet to respond back to me. Even though I'm buddies with their weather guy and a reporter ::sigh:: So I'm still pinning my hopes on the PA gig, at least maybe I can get my foot in the door in Toledo.

Secondly, I've decided it may be for the best if JR and I don't attend any more weddings until after we're married. I know people are bound to ask me about our plans, (which are basically none at this point) but it's so much worse when you are at an actual wedding.

We went to one this weekend in Mt. P, we knew almost no one except for JR's parents and some people JR used to work with at college. So here I am sitting next to a woman I've met maybe once before and I'm about ready to knock her lights out.

In all fairness she's a nice woman, but she doesn't understand the phrase "we haven't made any plans yet." The questions were endless, starting from the moment she learned of our engagement and throughout every event at the wedding. I made it through "what color are your bridesmaid's dresses?" and "how are you arranging the seating?" but by the time she got to "Oh! What song are you going to dance to?" I'd had enough.

On top of that JR was saved from this torture since I was sitting in-between acting as a buffer. When the song question came up I'd decided that JR should share this misery so I tried to focus the attention on him. I didn't mean to start an argument, but I did. We've had a song for 6 years, and I do like it even though I would have never chosen it to start with. But JR was so sweet about it when he first shared it with me and said it made him think of me, that I felt it had to be "our" song.

Apparently JR wasn't aware that this was my thought process on "our" song and was hurt that I joked about it being "forced" on me. I'll admit I didn't phrase it right. Point is that we're not ready to discuss these things in private, let alone in front of friends and family. We worked it out and the good news, we managed to keep the song a secret and it shut that woman up.

Score one for the Jill-O!

Update

2006-06-09T03:05:00.000-07:00

All right, I confess, I may have bitched too soon. So now I have an interview Monday at the top station in Toledo. The hours are crap, which is ok because I think I'm part Vampire so I won't get too messed up. The number of hours I'd work are about half what I work now. And sadly even though it's like the lowest position at any TV station the hourly pay rate is almost what I make now (I'm way under appreciated.)

Bottom line: I'll be making less to start, but I will have less work to do, I get to stay up all night long, and I can see JR whenever the hell I feel like it. Call me crazy but it sounds good to me.

Wish me luck ^_^*

Nobody likes me everybody hates me...

2006-06-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

...guess I'll go eat worms.

All right, so I'm starting to feel sorry for myself. You'd think getting engaged would mean I'm on top of the world, and that part of me is ecstatic, but "Career Me" is taking some blows to her ego.

Now that JR and I are getting married (Yea!!) it's time for us to take that all important step of moving in together. To be honest we've been trying to do that for months anyway, but now it's "game on."

Problem is that I have a great job in Lansing and I can almost guarantee I won't find one I like so much in Toledo, for awhile anyways. But that's just it, I can't find ANY job in Toledo. By any I mean one in TV that I'm qualified for and want to take.

Friday I sent out Resumes for possible TV jobs in T-town. They're basically bottom level jobs running studio cameras and such and you don't have to have a college degree to do the work. But I want one of those jobs regardless. Even if it means only working twenty hours a week at eight bucks tops, I want them bad. Partly because once I get in I know I can move on to bigger things fairly quickly, and mainly because it's fucking killing me to not see JR everyday.

Ideally I'd like to be a full-time editor, but most places don't have editors and the Photogs pick up the slack. So why you might ask don't I just go for a Photog job since that's what I do now? Well I don't have an answer that is easily understood.

Bottom line: I no longer wish to be a Photog.

I have lots of reasons and none of them are because I'm not good at my job or that I hate it. But truth be told I really want to be a Mom someday. And I will NOT stand on the side of an icy overpass with cars flying by if I've got little ones at home waiting for me. I loath shooting that type of stuff now for fear of being hit, and I absolutely refuse to place myself in even minimal danger for a job once I'm a parent.

I may be over-reacting since 95% of shoots I go on are perfectly safe, but it's those 5% of times when you don't even want to get out of the news car that I worry about. Also, I do plan on waiting a few more years for the kiddies, but why delay? If I already know that my career isn't going down that path there's no sense in continuing.

I did interview for a Photog job in Toledo a few months back, and even though I didn't get the job(because they needed someone right away and couldn't wait) I wouldn't have taking it anyway.

Ignoring the fact that the News Director stared at my boobs the whole time, kept commenting on me being a woman, and warned me to have one of the "guys" walk me to my car at night; it just didn't feel right. JR was relieved when I told him I wouldn't take the job even if offered. He would never tell me not to do something but he really wasn't happy about the thought of me running around Toledo by myself all day, and neither am I.

So here I sit waiting for a reply on a couple of PA jobs like one of Donald Trump's apprentices. But I'm not real hopeful. I've applied for these types a jobs before with no response. I've even called-in my contacts at a few of the stations and they said they put in a good word, but nothing so far.

So my ego is taking huge blows because I don't understand why they wouldn't jump at the chance to have me working for them. I've made it very clear I'm moving down there anyway, I'm qualified, and I love working in TV, so why don't they want me?

Get to the point, Cedar Point

2006-06-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in the clear. Besides some dry skin and a pink scalp, I escaped a day in the sun without getting seriously burned. In the end I went with a hypoallergenic SPF 30, to help keep down breakouts, and only had to reapply once.

We got a late start on the day due to "Mr. we don't have to set an alarm I'll wake up early;" and me who, when left to it, can sleep the day away without a clue.

So 1:00pm rolls around and we finally make it to the park. Got in for free, YES, and promptly had my required "freak-out" of the day. I got it out of the way early at the Top Thrill Dragster lockers (A.K.A. rape-your-wallet-boxes) so I was good to go for the rest of the day.

It was nearly perfect weather and I was only overly warm for the first hour or so of standing in line. But to further illustrate how pale I am I must share a story. Standing in line for TTD, the sun was beating down pretty strong, and I was a tiny bit sweaty. With this combo my skin became reflective, bouncing back the sun's rays like a shiny object might.

Preteen girl standing behind me is talking and I'm mostly not paying attention, until she starts talking about her hands. She's looking at them and tracing her veins saying how they only stick out when she's tired. Well when someone is talking about a body part of theirs you tend to check out your own to compare.

So I look down at the top of my hand and gross myself out. Due to the above mentioned circumstances my skin is now virtually transparent and my veins are HUGE, and blue, and bulging out. I then understood why that girl was talking about hand veins and her mom kept hushing her and glancing at me.

I had one other experience where I was painfully aware of my whiteness. After lunch I went to the restroom to re-apply sunscreen. It takes me at least a half hour to cover every inch of me and I had to rinse off my face and potty first. It was a small bathroom but at least twenty five people came in during the time I was slathering myself. All of them were tan, or had naturally dark skin. Some ignored me, but a few commented on how they felt lucky after seeing what I had to go through.

I felt garish and weird and rushed through the process as quickly as possible. I finally gave up when a mom and her son started having a fight in one of the stalls about the fact that he wouldn't go poop. It was way bizarre and if I have a little boy, JR is responsible for most of his public potty trips.

JR and I, now properly gooped-up, head out to enjoy the rest of the day. However we didn't foresee the attack of the Fluffies. I have no idea what kind of seeds or pollen these things were but they were everywhere. They reminded me of a cross between a dandelion seed and a cotton ball. They stuck in your hair, on your clothes, and most annoyingly on your skin.

It was the worst while we were in line for Millennium Force. The ride was broken down for a time and we were almost at a stand still. Apparently the Fluffies planned this so that they could converge on us en masse. Arg, I still can feel them clinging inside my nose.. ick.

We wanted to go to the bar later that night and we had ridden just about everything we wanted to, so after the Raptor we headed back. Just in time too since the minute we got off the ride it started to rain.

It was an exhausting day, but a good one. And I know JR isn't a big rollercoaster fan but he went anyway and tried to have fun for me, he's such a sweetie ^_^*

It has arrived!

2006-05-31T16:37:00.000-07:00

I have sitting next to me an object I have been anxiously awaiting for months. It's hard and thick and I get really worked up when I think of having my hands all over it. That's right folks I've got a new book.

But not just any new book, it's Sherrilyn Kenyon's latest novel in her Dark Hunter series. These immortal bad boys really get my blood going. I've always been a sucker for a good romance novel, but throw some vampires, gods, and tons of steamy sex into the mix and I'm a goner.
I feel bad for those who have to work with me tonight because I doubt my mind will be focused on making sure video matches the story. My nose will be so far buried into this book you could probably strip naked and do the chicken dance for me and I'd never know, BTW, please don't.

One reason I'm so happy about this book is because I KNOW I will enjoy it. Much to my delight the supernatural romance genre is becoming more popular each day. More and more authors are writing tales of blood and sex and love. Unfortunately, not all of these new authors are good. In the past month I've given up and at least 3 or 4 books because they were either bad stories (alien vampires who get power from the moon?) or written so poorly I couldn't take it anymore.

It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means I get some kinky fang action. I was weaned on Sherrilyn and she will always be the model to which I compare all other paranormal romance writers. I'm a little peeved that this latest book was released in hardback first meaning I'm paying at least $10 more than I would have in the past. But hell, the whole world is about money anyway and she's worth it.

I'm so happy ::sigh::

www.dark-hunter.com

Beyond Pale

2006-05-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

Summer must be here if my half-Japanese co-worker is getting sunburned. I feel for her, I really do. I myself have been caught unawares many times in the past when it comes to the sun. But I mean honestly, who expects to get a sunburn in February?

I've been stupid plenty of times too. For some reason every couple of years I forget that I'm freakishly pale and don't take the necessary precautions. For instance, last year. First time outside for months, it’s June I think, and not a cloud in sight. I tried to stay mostly in the shade but wasn't overly concerned so forgot the sunblock.

Later that day I ended up looking like "Love-a-Lot Bear." Apparently a V-neck tank and a chin shadow will create a perfect heart shape on my chest like a Care Bear. To this day if I get overheated I can see a faint outline of the burn, talk about skin damage.

In Hawaii a few years back I burned my ass snorkeling, how dumb is that? When JR and I would sit on the beach together it was like a silent comedy. Every couple of minutes he'd get up and drag my chair back under the shade of the umbrella then go bask in the sunshine while I huddled covered up.

I've tried tanning but the most I ever got was freckles. I do think it helped prevent me from burns, but I have no proof. The truth is I'm not meant to be tan. Which is a fact I think I'm finally coming to terms with. My goal now is to go "super-white" and embrace the whole Victorian vampire look. I mean hell; I'm practically a vampire anyway with my work schedule. This makes the Sun my nemesis and those dreaded freckles my anti-Christ. It may be difficult to uphold my goal this weekend since I'm planning a trip to Cedar Point, thank you free Media tickets. But the plan is to slather every exposed inch in a nice gooey SPF 45, or higher, and dart into the shade at every possible moment. Wish me luck for overcast skies and short lines!

Alone in the woods, together forever

2006-05-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

He finally did it! My boyfriend proposed this weekend!!! Since than I've had a difficult time trying to put JR's proposal into words. I have started writing several times only to delete everything and log off. The shock of this day arriving has yet to wear off, but I do think it's finally sinking in.

For me it's like being Sisyphus rolling that boulder uphill for years and suddenly reaching the top. I knew the peak was coming but not at that particular moment. It kinda threw me off balance and has left me looking at the world with a greater range of vision. And god, what an amazing view.

The best way to approach this is to share a little history. JR and I were introduced by friends in January of 2000 at College. I'd had back luck in the past with being setup by well-intentioned buddies and was not real enthusiastic. My first thought upon seeing JR was, "Thank god he's not fat." My second thought was, "In fact he's pretty damn cute." And my third thought was, "Wow he's tall."

I did what I do best when meeting new people, I made an obnoxious ass of myself. When school started back up for Winter semester I kept thinking about him at odd times but thought he wouldn't want to see me again. He did though and our friends hooked us back up. We hit it off really well the second time.

Things progressed fairly rapidly after that and we became a loving couple. Once the weather got nicer we discovered that we liked to go to parks and for walks in the woods together. One place quickly became our favorite. It's a wooded park along a river in ou College town. The place has a wonderful mix of fields and forest with plenty of deer and other critters.

On one of our first trips out there we came across a tree on the river bank that had lots of carvings on it. I'm not sure who though of it but it was decided that we should have our initials on that tree as well. JR pulled out his ever-present pocket knife and went to work on a smooth patch high on the tree. I remember a lot of sweat and some swearing involved but the end result was romantic and I loved it. We've always called it "our tree" and tried to visit it several times a year.

Flash forward to Sunday.

JR and I were up in our old College town for a friend's wedding reception. We had a great time and I'll blog about that later. We'd checked out of our hotel, had lunch with his parents (we LOVE Asian food), and watched our friends open their wedding gifts. We were in no rush to leave just yet and JR suggested we go see "our tree." It had been a long time since we last went (although now I understand why he never really seemed to want to go.)

It was a little chilly and I wasn't crazy about the idea. JR said we didn't have to go but I really did want to see the tree. The wind was pretty brisk at first but the more we walked the less cold I felt. It was strange how the trail in the woods was wonderfully familiar in some places and other parts I couldn't recognize at all.

At one point JR stopped behind be and whispered for me to back up slowly. I made my way back to him and there was a deer standing about thirty feet away. When I saw it I must have gasped or made some noise because it picked up its head and bounced away. I was a little disappointed that I had scared it, but it was a great sight none the less.

Soon after that the sun started to randomly poke through the trees and I was more excited about being there. As we walked I kept wondering if the tree would still be there, in fact I was a little afraid it would have died or been cut down. When we had walked for longer than I though we should have I started losing faith. I was about to call it quits when the path started looking familiar and I saw "our tree" ahead.

JR helped me down the steep slope to get to the tree and we stood together and looked at the carving he had eked out six years ago, imperfect arrow and all. I reached up to touch a spot that had split down farther than the others and then turned back to JR. We hugged and he took my hand. For about a nanosecond I had an unformed thought in the back of my mind about the way he was looking at me, then he dropped to one knee.

Very simply and perfectly he asked me to marry him as he pulled out a ring box. I think my words went something like "areyouforrealyes." I kissed him, and kissed him some more, than I got on my knees and kept kissing him. Finally we pulled apart enough for him to ask me if this meant yes. I said yes again and a bunch of I love yous and then we kissed some more.

By then I hadn't even really seen the ring so I told him to show it to me and put it on. It was so beautiful I couldn't believe what a good job he did. Pretty sure we did some more kissing at this point. With the river gurgling behind us and birds singing I doubt Disney could have done it better.

What still amazes me about this all is the fact that I was completely in the dark. JR's such a terrible liar and I'm a snoop so I always thought I'd see it coming. In hindsight I should have guessed. It's so perfect for us to commit to a future together at that place. It's always been special and romantic for us and I'm so glad he thought of it when I hadn't. JR didn't just give me a gorgeous ring Sunday, he gave me the best proposal a girl could get.

I've been asked several times if I cried and my reply is that surprisingly no, I didn't. Giddy happiness was my main reaction, I grinned like an idiot for hours. But as I reread this all the tears have started to flow. Having the moment on record brings to life how momentous an occasion this is for me. The man of my dreams wants me to be his wife, and although I've always known that we would be together forever it doesn't make the "question" any less important to me. Thank you Baby, I love you.

Why Photog, Why?

2006-05-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

People are always coming up to me and saying, "I think it's so great that as a woman you're tackling a male dominated field." Well it's bull folks. I'm not a female photog(video photographer) because I feel the need to break through any male/female traditional roles. The real reason I'm doing what I'm doing is because of luck and opportunity.

About a year before I was supposed to graduate from college I panicked. I knew I would get a job in broadcasting but that was about as detailed as my thought processes went. Music and radio really isn't my thing so I knew I'd go into the video side of Broadcasting. Even though I had a minor in Theater and had been involved in stage for many years, I knew I'd suck as talent so behind the scenes was it. Being flexible in a job location was another requirement. My boyfriend was studying Automotive Design so I knew he'd always make more money and I'd have to work wherever he got a job.

The final verdict was News, or at least a TV Station. So in my final year I threw myself into our college news station and hoped for the best. In a twist of fate, that year my boyfriend got a roommate who had graduated a few years before in broadcasting. This guy was in-between things and looking for a job. He got a job as a Photog for a FOX station. When graduation for me drew near the Fox Photog gave me a heads up on a part-time photog/editor job at his station. I applied, interviewed, and didn't get the job. At first anyway, twenty minutes after I was turned down I was called back and hired.

You must understand that when I got this job I had picked up a field camera maybe a dozen times and edited video on a computer less than 5 times. It was rough but I kept my head up. It quickly became obvious to me that editing was my strong suit. Me and Mr. DVC Pro had some issues in those first months. When they shut down our Fox station I jumped over to the NBC affiliate with a somewhat better grasp of what I was doing.

NBC was a disappointment to me. Even though they're the top station in the market they had the most outdated technology. They were still editing their video tape-to-tape (in TV terms this means slows as shit.) But thanks to a dedicated reporter I got my shooting up to a decent standard and was doing all right for myself. Eventually I went full time on overnights and my responsibilities shifted to mostly editing for the Morning Show.

A few months into working the overnights our station FINALLY got Avids(computers to edit video on.) I was so happy, and since I was just about the only person who had ever edited using that system, my personal stock went up. All the other Photogs were so glad I was on the overnight shift because most of them prefer shooting to editing. I'm the complete opposite so it works out great for everyone.

Except for one thing. I'm the only Photog here for 8 hours which means I have to edit a monster of a show, and be ready to shoot any breaking news. The pressure is really bad sometimes. Especially since somedays there is no one in the building who can edit video if I have to leave. Someday get out of control but I've always managed to get the show on-air somehow and that's why nothing will ever change here.

Tonight at 11

2006-05-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

How do you know when someone's sincere about friendship?

Since I was a little, girls have been making me their "project." It started on the playground in 4th grade when a "cool" girl decided she'd take me under her wing. She made me one of her group and for about half a day I walked around the swing sets with her and the other popular girls. She was nice, I think she thought she was doing me a favor, but I'd rather play by myself than do a follow-the-leader dance with the "in" crowd. So that didn't last.

I stayed firmly in my dorkdom until High School when I once again became a "project." The girl this time was cruel and gained power by putting me down and using my secrets for her own gain.

By College I was a little wiser, but not immune. Roommates looked at my lack of fashion sense with pity. I was the recipient of more makeovers than I care to remember. I don't mind being guided into good taste, if I agree with it. But too often I'd end up looking freakish and fake.

Despite the fact that many girls over the years have felt the need to "help" me, I somehow managed to snag a man. A very good-looking man I might add. Who likes me the way I am.

Now that I'm a working girl I thought my "project" days were over. Apparently I was wrong.

Lately the main female anchor and I have been getting closer. We both blog on MySpace and I've shot some stuff for her sweeps pieces in my free time. More and more she goes out for a smoke with me when I get to work. And now she's offering to lend me shoes and a purse for the wedding this weekend. Her offer went something like this:

Anchor Lady: "Wear the Green dress."

Me: "I most likely will"

AL: "I don't like those shoes though, what size do you wear."

Me: "umm, around a 9 I think."

AL: "Good, you're wearing a pair of mine."

Me: "errr, umm, thanks?"

AL: "Oh, and I have a purse too."

Ok, so the conversation was a bit longer but you get the point. Now to explain, this woman has been fairly nice to me but has been cold before. So what's with the turn around? I may be over thinking her actions but I can't shake the dread that follows when someone decides to "take me under their wing." It's never good and I usually end up hurt and disappointed when they lose interest in me. Plus, I don't really want to change, I'm mostly happy with who I am and the way I look. So one could argue that real friends wouldn't try to change me.

However, more and more I've realized that a good 90% of my friends are really my boyfriends'. I have very very few people in my life that met and liked me first. So I am kinda desperate for a few friends of my own. ::sigh:: I'll take the shoes, but I'm walking very cautiously in them and around this woman. But I hope both will end up being a good thing.

Just some more bitching

2006-05-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

One good thing about blogging here is now I can bitch about people and things I can't on MySpace. So this is my first ever "not going on MySpace" blog.

First I would like to say, I live with my parents. Whew, there that's out in the open. I never mention it on MySpace because it seems totally lame and I don't want people from way back to know that fact. I feel semi-successful and I don't wanna blow the image by saying, "yup, been living at home for the past two year." I'm 24 for god's sake.

That said, it's very very hard to live with your parents when you reach my age. For one, not only do I live with my folks, but they live in BFE. It's an hour to work, an hour to my boyfriends, and 20 minutes to the nearest bookstore. I can usually escape on weekends and go see my boyfriend. However this means I never hang out with work friends, and as much as I love seeing my man he just moved to Ohio and we have no friends there, so it can get tedious.

Secondly, my parents don't really like that I run south of the border each weekend and they give me huge guilt trips about it. Calling me their "transient" and pouting when I walk out the door each week. But what do they (by they I mean my Mom) think I'm going to do if I stay? Like I said my work friends are all an hour away so meeting to go to the bar is out, can't drink much, and I'm not cozy enough with them to ask to use their couch.

So I sit at my parents house and read or go online. I can't drink at home, Mom's not so crazy about that, and I for sure can't smoke (yeah, another secret to hide.) I either find some excuse to go to the mall (20 minutes away) or I avoid them at all costs. Well, I do that during the week too, but I can tolerate it better knowing I'm leaving Friday.

But it's hard. I work third shift so when I get home Mom's just getting up. And she always wants to talk. We've even had fights over how I don't talk in the morning, so now I'm expected to "check-in" with her when I get home. Why can't she understand that I just want to relax and have alone time when I get home? I just drove an hour through rush hour traffic after staying awake all night. Even if I don't want to go to bed right away I need some time to let work wear off me before I feel like conversing. Dinner time is perfect for me sharing how my day went, but it's not soon enough I guess. So when I come home I say "Hi," run upstairs, and close my door. This has been great for losing weight because even if I'm hungry I don't want to risk getting trapped into conversation if I linger downstairs too long.

I'm extremely grateful to my folks for letting me have a place to stay 'rent-free,' but it was never supposed to be for this long. Which lead me to another topic I can't discuss on MySpace. My boyfriend and I graduated college back in 2004. I got a job the week I graduated, he did not. His plan was to wait a week or so after Graduation to start applying for a job, so he could have some "him" time. Yes, I agree, what a stupid ass idea! Needless to say for a year and a half after that he couldn't get a job. There's much debate over how hard he tried, but that's for another day.

So during this year and a half I'm living with my folks, making a long commute, and on top of that driving 2 hours to see him on weekends(he lived farther away than.) Our phone conversations were not very good. I spent most of them riding his ass about a job, and he spent the whole time in silence or telling me how worthless he felt. So then I'd have to say "no honey, you'll get there someday," all the while feeling like he was indeed worthless. I had finally talked him into getting a temporary job in the same city as me and we'd get a place and continue looking for his career job from there.

I thought "Yea, finally we can have a real relationship instead of this long distance crap." But oddly enough about a week after this "moving-in-together" talk he got a call for an interview in Ohio. I was really excited, but also suspicious. Now he all of a sudden is getting interviews? Guess he finally realized it was time for change. So he gets the job and moves to Ohio, great, but 7 months later I'm still living with my folks.

I have been looking for jobs in Ohio, daily, but I've been picky. Mainly because I've made promises to myself that there are certain types of jobs I will never do again. And even though I have a B.A., getting a good enough paying job isn't easy. I really want to stick in TV, but I no longer want to be a Photographer. This causes a problem because I'm now way over qualified to do the Production jobs so I keep getting offers to be a Photographer. There is no way in hell I am running around chasing fires and criminals again. I do it now, but not very often since I mainly edit video, which is something I love doing. Basically I have limited options for a job in a specific city and it's hurting my search.

However, I would gladly drop everything and get a job as a secretary if my man would just propose. But after six years, I'm still ring-less. Some of us girls at work have created the PEC (Pre-engagement Club) since we all have long-term boyfriends who live in another state. He says he's not waiting for me to move down there, although it's not a bad idea for us to live together first anyway. He also loves saying "don't worry about it" like he's got something all planned out and can't understand my anxiety.

Well I'm not in his head and I'm sick of people asking us when it's gonna happen. I'm tired of Mom giving me the whole "why would he buy the cow when the milk's free" analogy (BTW thanks a lot for calling me a cow Mom.) And frankly I'm starting to doubt him. Is he just putting me off because he's scared of sharing his life, or is he not sure about me anymore. He gets really annoyed when I bring it up, but c'mon I'm frustrated. I told him he doesn't need a ring and I'll even ask him if that's what he wants, but he says "no," argggg.

So I feel trapped. Trapped by my parents, trapped by my boyfriend, trapped by myself, and trapped at the thought of giving up my health insurance. I want to be an Adult, I really do, but I need something to happen, and fast.

Real News, Real Faces

2006-05-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

I'm really pissed off right now. On my way home from work I was listening to several morning radio programs. My favorite is usually Bob and Tom in the Morning, but when they go to commercial I flip stations, kinda like when watching TV.

Well I flipped to K105.3, which plays mostly up-to-date songs without going into the "I capped a Hoe last night for not going down" type of stuff. Just to catch the morning guy ripping into local News Anchors.

He was saying that there are no "hot" Anchors/Reporters in Lansing. One lady who called in thought Colthorp was kinda cute but couldn't think of any female hotties. The radio DJ's then started tearing apart my co-workers.

They named names of women I see and work with daily calling them "gross" and "disgusting" and "wouldn't touch that." They even called some of the guys "wax figures" and "fatty."

Who the fuck does a guy who calls himself "The Big Dog" think he is?! This is his picture and trust me you couldn't pay me enough to go near that slob.

The only local Anchor they found mildly attractive was the "girl on 53." Well no shit she seemed the best. She acts like she's still in college and is basically a joke. If you want your news from "hotties" than watch the E Network. You can look at fake bimbos in skimpy outfits while they tell you about Paris Hilton's latest shopping trip. If you want serious journalism then you respect poise and maturity.

I know first hand that the majority of the female talent at my station are a good-looking bunch. And I felt every insult they hurled like a punch to my gut. These are great people, who are just that, people. None of them are Prima Donnas who are in the biz to look cute on TV. They generally care about News and being perceived as credible. So excuse them for not sluting it up Mr. Big Dog.
As the sexiest Anchor in Lansing would say "K105.3, fucking done!"

Vote Now!

2006-05-16T03:25:00.000-07:00

Please, I need help people! I had a very upsetting day of shopping Saturday. Well, for me any time I spend not shopping for books is upsetting. But it was worse than usual. You'd think since I've lost all this weight finding clothes would be easy, right? We'll you'd be sorely mistaken!

What kind of sick Universe do we live in that 2 years ago every store I went to only stocked two sizes; tiny, and eat a fucking sandwich already! Flash forward to yesterday and the only two sizes stores stocked were; you have no chest and, I make JLo's ass look small.

I never ever thought I'd be complaining because stores don't have a size small enough for me. Actually most do carry sizes to fit me but it's the same size that the rest of the world buys so apparently they're all sold out.

Well finally after several frantic phone calls to friends and my sister, (not to mention the mashed Potatoes mishap) in my hour of need I stumbled upon success. Thank you Maurices. But now I have a dilemma, a different one from my hair.

My picture is two outfits which I love, and happened to have been on sale. I'm keeping them and will wear them both at some point but I need advice. I have a wedding reception I'm going to this upcoming weekend and I can't decide which one to wear.

The actual wedding took place several months ago and this is just the reception. The Bride is wearing part of her dress and the Groomsmen (Jeremy included) are wearing bowling shirts and slacks. I was told it's a fairly casual affair although it will be at a Hall and we're going to the bar afterwards.

So please, I need to know which one is more appropriate! It's not which one looks better because I think I look good in both, but please HELP!!

P.S. I know I'm a huge dork for taking Photos of myself, but hey it worked in Clueless.

I'm Dying

2006-05-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on May 12th, 2006

Or not. Hell I dunno. The dilemma:

I've had gray hair since I was fifteen. Most noticeable when I part my hair down the center. It's still only a couple of strands here and there but it's the whole strand so if I get a flyaway it's obvious.

Usually I don't care much, I mean it's just hair right? But lately I've been feeling good about the way I look. I've lost weight, bought some good clothes, I'm taking care of my skin, and now it's my hair's turn I guess.

I hate spending money of appearance stuff since I don't consider it terribly important. I'd much rather blow a wad of cash on some books or movies. Keeping in line with my cheapness, I always color my hair myself. And when I say always I mean like maybe once a year. So I feel like it's "that" time of year again. Especially since my hair was reflecting silver light today in my bathroom mirror.

I like to go dark, I was born with almost jet-black hair, and I think it looks exotic with my pale skin. Others would disagree, like my mother for one. Which is why the hair dye I bought two months ago is sitting in a drawer and not on my head. It's Dark Brown, which Mom thinks is way too dark.

I dunno why I give a damn what she thinks but every time I mention I'm going dye my hair she gets this pained expression like I'm committing some fashion sin, as if she's one to talk. I can never bring myself to say, "screw your opinion" and just do it. And so here I sit, old lady hair and all.

But I may change that this weekend. I mean I will eventually breakdown and dye my hair some color to hide the gray but I don't know if I should do it this weekend or wait a few more weeks. See, I'm going to a wedding reception next weekend and I really want to look good since I hardly ever see these people and I'm gonna want a lot of pictures.

The risk is that maybe my Mom's right and I'll look really strange. So is a week enough time to let a bad color fade if I don't like it, and at the same time if I do like it will it last? I mean it's a permanent dye, but my hair is fine and doesn't hold anything well, plus our water is softened so it'll fade the color more quickly than city water.

Oy, what to do what to do? I won't even get into the debate of whether to get a haircut or not. God, that's like a twice a year ordeal for me and it's only been a few months. But it's getting to the point where I'd rather wear it up and that gives me headaches after awhile ::sigh::

Well anyway, guess I'm all Blogged out. Which is fine, although it's National Limerick Day so I'll leave you with a little ditty I once heard:

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose thumb was sore so he sucked it,
As he looked at his shin,
He said with a grin,
If I had a Frisbee I could play some disc-golf.

Hmm, that didn't seem quite right. Seems like it was missing something, oh that's right, all the dirty parts. Well whatcha expect sicko, some members of my family read this blog... geez!

My head hurts.

2006-05-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on May 11th, 2006

If I knew a kid learning how to drive my advice would be to get Cruise Control and always set it five below the speed limit. A normal teenager would say, "Well of course," and than walk off thinking I was the biggest fuddy duddy in the world. But if they were curious they might ask "why do you say that?"

Well for several reasons my young Padawan. First, you'll never get a speeding ticket. No longer will you get that fist clutching at your heart reaction when you see a State Trooper's car hidden in the bushes, with his lights off, waiting silently like a Panther stalking its prey...

Secondly, the world goes by slower giving you time to see scenery you may have otherwise missed. Also gives you better chance to avoid any accidents or small furry creature.

Unfortunately does nothing about the damn Deer. They're dumb as shit and there's nothing you can do once they want to kill themselves, via your new car of course.

If I sound incredibly lame, wait it gets so much better.

Third reason is calmness. For some reason driving just a few MPHs under the limit lowers stress level, for me anyway. If you're already late, and you're speeding, your blood pressure is only gonna go up so stay off my ASS buddy!

The last and most important reason is money. That's right, I hit you where it counts didn't I? Take me for instance, and yes I'm going to do math now. I drive 94 miles each day to and from work 4 days a week. That means:

94 x 4 = 376

Plus most Fridays I leave from work in Lansing and drive to Toledo (Sunday I drive back to work) which makes it a 216 miles round trip.

376 x 216 = 592

I'll round that up to 600 since I like round numbers, they're much prettier. So I drive 600 miles a week on average. Most of that is freeway driving so let's be nice and say I get 30mpg on my tiny Ford Focus (Ha! Beat that Mr. I drive my Hummer half a mile to work out at the Gym guy.) Anyway, math:

600/30 = 20

So I use about 20 gallons of gas a week. Gas prices have been crazy lately so lets be nice again and say I spend an average of $2.85 per gallon. (Barring of course more Hurricanes or the Bush family wanting to buy the Prince of Saudi Arabia another Jet.)

20 x 2.85 = 57

Math gets easier from here. $57 of gas a week and there are how many weeks in a year people?

57 x 52 = 2964

That's right folks, I spend over $3000 in gas a year mostly to get to work and back. It's actually probably higher since we always take my car on trips because it gets better gas mileage. So if driving a little slower can save me a few bucks I'm all for it. In fact lets do some wild estimations on what my savings would be..... no? S'ok, I'm all Nerded out anyway. Point of my ramblings...

... um, well I think I had a point but hey, Happy National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day! Commonly known as the "but you don't look sick" day.

If a number has the letter "K" after it, it had better be Gold!

2006-05-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on May 10th, 2006

So my sister just ran a 15K for like the second or third time in her life. Disney has this cool Marathon thing where you run through the parks. You can do a full Marathon or the "Minnie" Marathon. My sister did the "Minnie" one which sounds oh so cute but I'm sure is still hell.

Now, in High School my sister was on the track team. My Father also used to be a cross country runner. But no one in our Family pushed Sports on us. I think it's odd she chose to run marathons at this point in her life since she lost a toenail last time and has Asthma.

But she must like something about it. I gotta give her props for keeping in shape and having a healthy heart.... blah blah blah. However, I'd like to know where my real family is?

Ok, I know I'm mostly my Mother's daughter. Although she thinks I'm an Alien since I hate shopping and can live without chocolate. But what kind of freaks of nature are my Dad and Sister?

My Dad's side of the family is slightly more active than my Mother's but still, we are not people who move a lot. That could explain the rampant overweightness in my genetic pool, but c'mon, marathons? That is so not us. So either I am an Alien, or I got all the lazy genes because I could never image running that many miles without a bear or a swarm of bees chasing me. And I really don't understand why you'd do it in front of others.

I don't mind exercise, true I could use more cardio in my workouts. It's like cleaning for me. For some reason I can't clean with people watching me, don't like criticism I guess. I've tried gyms, but I lose my enthusiasm quickly when I see a size 2 girl hardly breaking a sweat chit-chatting with some hot guy. It just feels so cosmically unfair. No matter how hard I bust my ass there are certain things that only surgery can change about me, and even than my build would stay about the same. And here is some little thing who doesn't even need to workout but comes to the gym to show off and socialize ::sigh::

So I'm proud of Sis for achieving her goals, even if I don't understand them. I've posted her post-race picture on my page.

LOST on Earth 2

2006-05-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on May 9th, 2006

As you can see from my last Blog I'm currently watching Earth 2. It's a show most people have never heard of. It was on NBC briefly for about 20 episodes in the mid-90's. I loved it back then and got the DVD for Christmas from my man. I watch two episodes a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I do my more vigorous workouts.

Thursday I was shocked when a new character was introduced. It was LOCKE! As in Terry O'Quinn. When I first saw LOST he seemed so familiar, and oddly evil. I have no idea why I never liked him much until now. He plays a not so good guy on Earth 2 and my subconscious knew it.

The LOST connection to a show from a decade ago doesn't end there. Clancy Brown who plays John Danziger on Earth 2 was recently in a LOST episode. He was in the Sayid episode where he learns to torture. You may remember him as the American General guy who lets Sayid go in the end.

The premise of the show is basically a group from the future needs to go to a new planet because the kids are all getting sick living in the space stations and Earth is not an option. So the group strikes out for "Earth 2", yeah they actually called it that. But they crash into the planet instead. At first they think they're alone but soon discover "Beings" on the planet who are very mysterious. They also discover that although they think they're the first humans on the planet they're not. A penal colony was sent there 15 years earlier by the very government who planned the crash of their spaceship (this is where Locke comes in.)

The whole thing stinks of LOST. Maybe that's why I like both shows so much. I'm excited to see what else matches.

Call me Powder

2006-05-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on May 3rd, 2006

I'm bummed. I found some great deals on summer shorts this weekend. I spent more money than I usually do, figuring since I've dropped a few sizes since I last bought shorts I should get some that fit.

I really hate wearing shorts. For instance when I lived in Florida I only wore shorts a dozen times or so. It's not the cellulite I mind so much.. most women have that, it's my freakish whiteness. I'm very pale and besides my ass, my thighs are the whitest part of my body.

"Just go tanning," I'm often told. Well I have, and it's a no-go. My thighs burn if they do anything at all. I've tried self tanners, also no good. My skin absorbs different amounts in different places and gets blotchy.

Anyway, so I bought some shorts in a size that I can honestly say I've never been able to buy before. That is probably the main reason I went ahead and got them. I was super geeked to be wearing such a small size for me. My disappointment came when I got home and compared my new clothes to ones I had which were two sizes larger. The waist bands looked like they were the damn size!

I put on my old shorts and yes the legs and ass were too big but the waist was about the same. So either they shrunk after being washed so many times, or the clothing industry has changed their sizing charts to make fat people feel like buying more clothes.

I glad that I can walk into most stores now and almost always find clothes that fit, but I also feel cheated since I guess I'm not as small as I thought.

We'll put a boot in your ASS!

2006-05-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

First Posted on MySpace on May 1st, 2006

My Boyfriend and I went to see "United 93" Sunday. Like most people who saw it, the film took me back in time to the events of 9/11. For my generation I image that day is similar to my parent's "where were you when Kennedy was shot?" I think I will always remember certain moments from that day.

I woke up about a quarter after 10am to get ready for my German class at 11. I turned on the weather channel as always. They said something really strange about all the airports being shut down. Curious I switched over to CNN to see a giant skyscraper burning. I most note that at this point in my life I couldn't have picked out the World Trade Center from a line-up. I simply thought all buildings in New York were of similar height. I for sure didn't realize there were two identical buildings and one was missing from my TV screen.

I went out to the living room and saw my roommate Amy huddled in front of the TV. I sat next to her and watched as they reported on a fire at the Pentagon, conflicting reports about bombs and at least two more airplanes being hijacked. It was all very confusing. I don't think my brain was keeping track of everything properly.

When they replayed video of the second plane hitting the south tower my mind went numb. I think the makers of "United 93" nailed this moment and people's reaction perfectly. I felt like I was living that scene all over.

The second tower fell and Amy went hysterical. She was screaming at the TV and sobbing. I was thinking "why is she so upset? I'm sure they got everyone out... they had to of." Even seeing the horror with my own eyes I refused to believe that I had just witnessed the death of hundreds.

Even during the chaos that morning and the following days, the importance of a plane crashing in a field in Pennsylvania was always secondary at best. The terrorists never reached their target and the death of those on board is usually downplayed.

I wouldn't say "United 93" is a good movie, it's more a thoughtful reenactment. I'm not sure which parts are fact, and which are simply assumptions on what could have happened. The movie pulled some punches but mostly was ruthless in showing both the ineptitude and heroism from those directly involved that day.

That plane and those people are perfect movie fodder, sans happy ending. They will do other movies about 9/11, there are probably a thousand stories to be told. But this story translates best for a nation still at war.

I'd like to think in the beginning that someone took a stand against terrorism. Even if it failed.. it gives me comfort. Lately I feel as though this country is falling apart and those in power (either party) can't tell their elbows from their assholes. I don't think I'll ever feel safer than I did on September 10th, 2001.

Is it too soon for this movie? My answer is no, it should be played every September 11th on Network television.

September 11th, 2001

8:45am - American Airlines Flight 11, Boston to Los Angeles with 92 people onboard, crashes into the north tower of the World Trade Center in New York City.

9:03am- United Airlines Flight 175, Boston to Los Angeles with 65 people onboard, flies into the south tower of the World Trade Center.

9:40am- American Flight 77, en route from Dulles Airport, Washington DC, to Los Angeles with 64 people onboard, crashes into the Pentagon.

9:50am- South tower of the World Trade Center collapses.

10:00am- United Flight 93 crashes about 80 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

10:29am- North tower of the World Trade Center collapses.

Kill Boone again why don't ya?

2006-05-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

First posted on Myspace on April 26th, 2006

I'm so not a happy camper right now. Once agian the morons at ABC decided to do ANOTHER damn recap episode of LOST.

The must really think very little of their viewers to think we'll eat up anything LOST related? The reruns are bad enough, but this recap bullshit is worse 'cause the episode guide doesn't say it's a rerun. This means instead of sleeping I stayed awake hoping for a new epi.

You'd think an Emmy winning show could put out more than two or three new episodes at a time. But noooooo... ABC is just gonna milk every drop out of this show until they kill it. I've already given up on Desperate Housewives because of the rerun shit, LOST isn't doing well in my book either.

Wish I had a Tivo right now, so I could still sleep and not be so pissed when I don't get my LOST fix. Although the show isn't nearly as good as last season. Maybe it'll kill itself.

6th Grade

2006-05-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on April 17th, 2006

When I was twelve years old I liked Disney movies, watching Blossom, and playing with my Barbies.

My little cousin has just turned twelve and she likes push-up bras, high-heel sandals, and designer Dooney and Bourke purses.

I cannot relate at all. When I was in my pre-teen years I was just that, a PRE-teen. My older sister was my idol and I wasn't very aware of the trends going on around me. Looking at my baby cousin now I half expect her to jump into a car a drive away. I'm not sure if she is growing up too fast, or if I've gotten too old.

I never aspired to be the most popular, or push the boundaries my parents set for me. But my Aunt seems hell bent on making her daughter the leader of the pack. Why else would a mother allow an elementary student to own several purses that cost more than I make a week? Who in their right mind takes a child to a Black Eyed Peas concert?! And please tell me why the girl is allowed to dress like Paris Hilton?

My Aunt isn't a bad parent overall but I'm deeply disturbed and upset. I don't want my cousin to become superficial and lose sight of what is important in life. At the same time I'm afraid of being a buzz kill on what could very well be normal behavior for the youth of America today.

More Magical Memories

2006-05-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

First Posted on Myspace on April 12th, 2006

Every once in awhile a story comes on the news about a Disney character inappropriately touching some kid at a theme park, i.e. Tigger. I'm always conflicted over what the truth is in these cases.

For instance I know how difficult it is for the people inside the costumes to "feel" through the bulky gloves they wear. Disney actually trains it's cast members how to sign different autographs while wearing the "paws." I knew a guy who played Friar Tuck who had a hell of a time writing the letter "T" in cursive. My only hope is that the little ones whose books he signed can't tell the difference between a "T" and a "F" either.

Mr. Tuck didn't screw up on purpose and felt bad when he did. Twiddle Dee was another matter. I never found out who was inside the costume but I had to start taking a different tunnel to my work location at the Magic Kingdom because Dee, I dunno maybe it was Dum, would sometimes corner me and silently hump me. Besides giving me nightmares about dopey looking fat guys it made me late to work a few times. His behavior was deliberately degrading and juvenile, but I never saw him replicate it in front of park guests.

One of my roommate's job was as a Disney character. She was a stunning girl with an amazing figure. Her unofficial name in our building was "hot" Jackie and as her roommate guys were always asking me if "they" were real. I honestly have no idea, although I saw them plenty. Jackie was a bit of a show off. I can't blame her, she was gorgeous. To this day all the guys we knew moan about the fact that the only one of them who ever saw her naked was gay. And he musta been really gay because if anyone coulda turned him straight it would have been Jackie.

As attractive as Jackie was she was only pretty enough to be cast as Alice in Wonderland. She would've had to get plastic surgery to be a Princess, yes I'm serious. When she wasn't Alice she rotated as several of the fur characters. Winnie the Pooh was her favorite for awhile. That is until she came down with a rash. In fact all the Poohs got the same rash that week.

So she switched to playing the White Rabbit. Which went ok for a time until a character breakfast went tragically awry. She was taking pictures with kids and signing autographs when out of nowhere a bratty preteen tackled her and tried to rip her head off. He nearly choked her because the heads are held on by a tight chin strap. He also was sitting on her chest and outweighed her by a few pounds. Jackie's "handlers" finally managed to get the kid off but she couldn't work the rest of the day.

As bad as my job could be, I never envied her. Florida in August as a fur character is pure hell. And with her massive boobs taped down, Alice was no picnic either. So as badly as I'd like to believe that Disney employees are the best of the best, with the kind of abuse they suffer I can't begrudge a guy a little payback.

Piggy Bank Confessions

2006-05-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

First Posted on Myspace on April 10th, 2006

Before this weekend I may have said that change is a good thing. I would say change equals growth. But I think there's something to be said for playing by the rules.

I had a very disappointing weekend with an old roommate of mine. She tried college for awhile than decided that she liked to have sex more than she liked going to class, which is a shame 'cause I thought she was smarter than me. She dropped out and never looked back.

I really wish she would have. Than maybe she could realize what an utter mess her life has become. If she looked back she could compare the relatively easy life she used to have with her current downward spiral.

I don't consider myself a huge success. I did graduate college and am working in TV which is what I wanted. However I'm making crappy money, which is not what I wanted. But I do make enough to realize that there is something terribly wrong with working 9 hours and taking home $30. It's even more wrong to be excited about it.

Not being able to feed your dog because you absolutely don't have ten bucks is pathetic. Being ok with having a tooth pulled and left that way is not ok, it's trashy. Considering sex with strangers as a means to pay rent is called being a whore. And buying drugs instead of food is illegal.

I truly never even considered that this would be the fate of my friend. She used to be so like me and we got along great. I've mostly kept my opinions about her life choices to myself because I have learned that you keep friends better that way. But now not only am I disappointed in her, I'm mad at myself.

Realistically I know there is nothing I could have done, but I wish I had done something. I know my disapproval wouldn't mean much but maybe I should have shown it more. If I had questioned her choices and been more involved after college perhaps it wouldn't have gotten to this point.

I guess I though she'd grow out of it. Funds got pretty low at times for me in college and I could sympathize with her. But me being poor was always temporary. I had my parents support to fall back on, and I was working toward a better life.

She however will most likely end up as poor white trash and do time for possession. I still love her to death which makes it hard to accept that she seems fine with the changes in her life.

Not so Sick!

2006-05-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

First Posted on MySpace on April 4th, 2006

For those non-News people out there who haven't heard, remember a few weeks ago I talked about a cop getting shot? Well guess what, he shot himself. On purpose. There was no other person there.

To me that takes a very messed up person to point a gun at themselves and pull the trigger, for any reason.

Shortly after it happened and I was telling someone the story about how we heard the cop screaming over the police scanners for someone to "drop the f*ing gun." I can't remember who it was but they asked me why was the cop's mic on? At the time I told them it must be procedure, or he forgot.

That out of place item has been rattling around in the back of my mind ever since. And when I found out Monday that it was all fake that conversation came roaring back to me. It WAS rather unusual to hear that much interaction over the scanners.

But honestly, what the hell was going through his mind when for no obvious reason, an officer of the law turned a gun on himself?

So the moral of the story... We news folk ain't the sickest people after all.

Farewell Thee...

2006-05-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

First Posted on MySpace on March 27th, 2006

Friday after work I had a dentist appointment to get some cavities filled down in Detroit. Even though I no longer live in the area I think it's easier to drive an hour to see a dentist I've had all my life rather than bother with transferring info and such.

My parents moved away from my life-long house in Michigan about two years ago. After High School I spent as little time as possible in "L-Town." I would go home for Christmas and summers but I was never really there. Now that they've moved away for good it's kind of disconcerting to have no home. I mean I have a place to stay, several in fact, but nothing feels like home. I feel like a transient, constantly a guest, and constantly moving my belongings.
I've been back in the area several times but I couldn't resist the temptation to drive around my old hometown once more. It's surprising to me how much hasn't changed. I don't know what I expected, a great cosmic shift now that I'm no longer there? It's only been two years but I guess I thought it wouldn't feel the same. Yet I was bombarded with memories, good, bad, incredibly stupid moments came at me from intersections and neighborhoods I passed.

I found myself turning into our subdivision without a conscious though, as though it was physically impossible for me to drive by the street. I kinda hoped I'd see someone I knew and at the same time prayed that I didn't. After a rough hour in the dentist's chair I looked like a victim of domestic abuse. Thankfully it was a school day and no one was around.

I slowed as I passed my childhood home which is now owned by a young Bachelor. The house looked empty, to me anyway. All the windows were covered and it's obvious the new tenant doesn't know a thing about yardwork. My father would never let the lawn look so messy even in winter. I wanted to stop and look my fill but I knew our old nosey neighbor wouldn't recognize my new car and probably call the cops.

So I drove away, lost in thoughts of the girl I used to be. Until I hit Six Mile road. You'd think in two years they'd fix the f*ing potholes!

We're Sick Folk

2006-05-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

First posted on MySpace on March 22nd, 2006

So I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again. News people are sick individuals. See, Monday morning's show was crawling along like always. Nothing exciting had happened over the weekend and we were struggling for news, which isn't a new thing.

All of a sudden (it usually happens like that) the police scanners start going nuts. A cop comes through screaming at some guy to "drop the f*ing gun." Next thing you know a cop has been shot and I'm running for my camera.

Overall I hate covering breaking news in the morning. It's dark outside, it's cold, and since I have to edit the morning show it's a race against the clock to get video and get back to the station. This particular shoot was no picnic since the gunman was still armed, on the loose, and willing to fire. Add to that some pissed off cops with tight lips and competing stations breathing down your neck. So I shot what I could, which was crap 'cause they wouldn't let me anywhere near the real action, and went back to the station to wait for reinforcements.

Now here is the sick part. I consider myself a fairly compassionate person. And I usually wish no ill on anyone. However I can't ignore the jolt of excitement this chaos gave me. An officer of the law who serves and protects the public has been shot. We have no word on his condition. A gunman is armed and dangerous running around town. And we're back at the station giving little high-fives.

To be clear the high-fives were congratulations on our hustle and the joy of for once having a new story on a Monday morning. We would have been just as excited if a bus had flipped over or an old folk's home had burned down. Basically we have warped minds.

You can always tell who's going to make it in News. They're people who love being in the middle of things, who know what's going on. They're often referred to as "News Junkies." My Producer Tammy is one of those people. She had Monday morning off but once she heard about the shooting she was on the phone to the station, pissed no one had called and woke her up. You're never completely off-work when you work in News.

No matter how much we gripe about working at a TV station, with weird schedules and second rate equipment. The truth is, when the shit hits the fan, there's no place more addicting than a newsroom. Once you get a taste of that adrenaline high and information overload, an ordinary office job just won't cut it.

Some Memories

2006-05-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

This was first posted on MySpace on March 16th

So A's crazy "Bush Lady" story reminded me of some weird locker room extremes I have experienced. To share I have to go way back into the year 2002 when I worked at Walt Disney World.

No matter who you are at WDW you are considered a "cast member" and are given a costume to wear at work. I worked in the Magic Kingdom on Main Street U.S.A. in one of the biggest stores on property. Keeping with the turn of the century theme we all had horribly ugly old fashioned costumes. Mine consisted of a teal and brown plaid full length skirt and a off-white blouse with extremely puffy sleeves. To top off my humiliation I wore a bright pink bow tie.

For whatever reason Disney was concerned that us lowly "cast members" would want to keep these costumes. Maybe they thought I'd be all the rage at the local bars. Anyway, to circumvent mass thievery we were not allowed to take the costumes home with us, they checked our belongings before we left each day.

Therefore we each got a locker in a huge changing room in the tunnels underneath the Magic Kingdom. Yes the myth is true. The themepark is actually on the second story of the complex. And yes the tunnels stink and are slightly flooded in parts.

Two or three lockers over from mine was Princess Jasmine. Well, one of the many girls who played her. She wasn't a very good Jasime, she was kinda pale and did not have the stomach tone required to pull of the midriff baring Arabian costume she wore. And apparently she didn't realize that her ass wasn't so tiny either.

I know this because she liked to wear thongs. Really tiny thongs. I knew just exactly how tiny because she liked to bend over a lot, don't get excited boys, it wasn't a great look for her. She also was pretty lazy with the hedge trimming because her front reminded me of one of the ZZ Top members trying to wear a surgeon's mask. It just kinda spilled over...

She wasn't the epitome of what one would think a Disney Princess should look like. But then again it's really hard to find a good Jasmine, or a good Aladdin for that matter.

Speaking of which. Working at Disney is a magical experience. You get to see and do amazing things. You also get your childhood illusions completely shattered. If Jasmine's hairy ass isn't enough, try catching Prince Charming and Aladdin sucking face next to the meat hooks which hold up all the seven dwarf heads. Or listen to Cinderella bitch on her cell phone to her boyfriend about working overtime while chain smoking. Dreams really do come true!

BTW since I'm not working tomorrow, today IS my Friday... Shamrock Shake here I come!!!