Just some more bitching
One good thing about blogging here is now I can bitch about people and things I can't on MySpace. So this is my first ever "not going on MySpace" blog.
First I would like to say, I live with my parents. Whew, there that's out in the open. I never mention it on MySpace because it seems totally lame and I don't want people from way back to know that fact. I feel semi-successful and I don't wanna blow the image by saying, "yup, been living at home for the past two year." I'm 24 for god's sake.
That said, it's very very hard to live with your parents when you reach my age. For one, not only do I live with my folks, but they live in BFE. It's an hour to work, an hour to my boyfriends, and 20 minutes to the nearest bookstore. I can usually escape on weekends and go see my boyfriend. However this means I never hang out with work friends, and as much as I love seeing my man he just moved to Ohio and we have no friends there, so it can get tedious.
Secondly, my parents don't really like that I run south of the border each weekend and they give me huge guilt trips about it. Calling me their "transient" and pouting when I walk out the door each week. But what do they (by they I mean my Mom) think I'm going to do if I stay? Like I said my work friends are all an hour away so meeting to go to the bar is out, can't drink much, and I'm not cozy enough with them to ask to use their couch.
So I sit at my parents house and read or go online. I can't drink at home, Mom's not so crazy about that, and I for sure can't smoke (yeah, another secret to hide.) I either find some excuse to go to the mall (20 minutes away) or I avoid them at all costs. Well, I do that during the week too, but I can tolerate it better knowing I'm leaving Friday.
But it's hard. I work third shift so when I get home Mom's just getting up. And she always wants to talk. We've even had fights over how I don't talk in the morning, so now I'm expected to "check-in" with her when I get home. Why can't she understand that I just want to relax and have alone time when I get home? I just drove an hour through rush hour traffic after staying awake all night. Even if I don't want to go to bed right away I need some time to let work wear off me before I feel like conversing. Dinner time is perfect for me sharing how my day went, but it's not soon enough I guess. So when I come home I say "Hi," run upstairs, and close my door. This has been great for losing weight because even if I'm hungry I don't want to risk getting trapped into conversation if I linger downstairs too long.
I'm extremely grateful to my folks for letting me have a place to stay 'rent-free,' but it was never supposed to be for this long. Which lead me to another topic I can't discuss on MySpace. My boyfriend and I graduated college back in 2004. I got a job the week I graduated, he did not. His plan was to wait a week or so after Graduation to start applying for a job, so he could have some "him" time. Yes, I agree, what a stupid ass idea! Needless to say for a year and a half after that he couldn't get a job. There's much debate over how hard he tried, but that's for another day.
So during this year and a half I'm living with my folks, making a long commute, and on top of that driving 2 hours to see him on weekends(he lived farther away than.) Our phone conversations were not very good. I spent most of them riding his ass about a job, and he spent the whole time in silence or telling me how worthless he felt. So then I'd have to say "no honey, you'll get there someday," all the while feeling like he was indeed worthless. I had finally talked him into getting a temporary job in the same city as me and we'd get a place and continue looking for his career job from there.
I thought "Yea, finally we can have a real relationship instead of this long distance crap." But oddly enough about a week after this "moving-in-together" talk he got a call for an interview in Ohio. I was really excited, but also suspicious. Now he all of a sudden is getting interviews? Guess he finally realized it was time for change. So he gets the job and moves to Ohio, great, but 7 months later I'm still living with my folks.
I have been looking for jobs in Ohio, daily, but I've been picky. Mainly because I've made promises to myself that there are certain types of jobs I will never do again. And even though I have a B.A., getting a good enough paying job isn't easy. I really want to stick in TV, but I no longer want to be a Photographer. This causes a problem because I'm now way over qualified to do the Production jobs so I keep getting offers to be a Photographer. There is no way in hell I am running around chasing fires and criminals again. I do it now, but not very often since I mainly edit video, which is something I love doing. Basically I have limited options for a job in a specific city and it's hurting my search.
However, I would gladly drop everything and get a job as a secretary if my man would just propose. But after six years, I'm still ring-less. Some of us girls at work have created the PEC (Pre-engagement Club) since we all have long-term boyfriends who live in another state. He says he's not waiting for me to move down there, although it's not a bad idea for us to live together first anyway. He also loves saying "don't worry about it" like he's got something all planned out and can't understand my anxiety.
Well I'm not in his head and I'm sick of people asking us when it's gonna happen. I'm tired of Mom giving me the whole "why would he buy the cow when the milk's free" analogy (BTW thanks a lot for calling me a cow Mom.) And frankly I'm starting to doubt him. Is he just putting me off because he's scared of sharing his life, or is he not sure about me anymore. He gets really annoyed when I bring it up, but c'mon I'm frustrated. I told him he doesn't need a ring and I'll even ask him if that's what he wants, but he says "no," argggg.
So I feel trapped. Trapped by my parents, trapped by my boyfriend, trapped by myself, and trapped at the thought of giving up my health insurance. I want to be an Adult, I really do, but I need something to happen, and fast.
First I would like to say, I live with my parents. Whew, there that's out in the open. I never mention it on MySpace because it seems totally lame and I don't want people from way back to know that fact. I feel semi-successful and I don't wanna blow the image by saying, "yup, been living at home for the past two year." I'm 24 for god's sake.
That said, it's very very hard to live with your parents when you reach my age. For one, not only do I live with my folks, but they live in BFE. It's an hour to work, an hour to my boyfriends, and 20 minutes to the nearest bookstore. I can usually escape on weekends and go see my boyfriend. However this means I never hang out with work friends, and as much as I love seeing my man he just moved to Ohio and we have no friends there, so it can get tedious.
Secondly, my parents don't really like that I run south of the border each weekend and they give me huge guilt trips about it. Calling me their "transient" and pouting when I walk out the door each week. But what do they (by they I mean my Mom) think I'm going to do if I stay? Like I said my work friends are all an hour away so meeting to go to the bar is out, can't drink much, and I'm not cozy enough with them to ask to use their couch.
So I sit at my parents house and read or go online. I can't drink at home, Mom's not so crazy about that, and I for sure can't smoke (yeah, another secret to hide.) I either find some excuse to go to the mall (20 minutes away) or I avoid them at all costs. Well, I do that during the week too, but I can tolerate it better knowing I'm leaving Friday.
But it's hard. I work third shift so when I get home Mom's just getting up. And she always wants to talk. We've even had fights over how I don't talk in the morning, so now I'm expected to "check-in" with her when I get home. Why can't she understand that I just want to relax and have alone time when I get home? I just drove an hour through rush hour traffic after staying awake all night. Even if I don't want to go to bed right away I need some time to let work wear off me before I feel like conversing. Dinner time is perfect for me sharing how my day went, but it's not soon enough I guess. So when I come home I say "Hi," run upstairs, and close my door. This has been great for losing weight because even if I'm hungry I don't want to risk getting trapped into conversation if I linger downstairs too long.
I'm extremely grateful to my folks for letting me have a place to stay 'rent-free,' but it was never supposed to be for this long. Which lead me to another topic I can't discuss on MySpace. My boyfriend and I graduated college back in 2004. I got a job the week I graduated, he did not. His plan was to wait a week or so after Graduation to start applying for a job, so he could have some "him" time. Yes, I agree, what a stupid ass idea! Needless to say for a year and a half after that he couldn't get a job. There's much debate over how hard he tried, but that's for another day.
So during this year and a half I'm living with my folks, making a long commute, and on top of that driving 2 hours to see him on weekends(he lived farther away than.) Our phone conversations were not very good. I spent most of them riding his ass about a job, and he spent the whole time in silence or telling me how worthless he felt. So then I'd have to say "no honey, you'll get there someday," all the while feeling like he was indeed worthless. I had finally talked him into getting a temporary job in the same city as me and we'd get a place and continue looking for his career job from there.
I thought "Yea, finally we can have a real relationship instead of this long distance crap." But oddly enough about a week after this "moving-in-together" talk he got a call for an interview in Ohio. I was really excited, but also suspicious. Now he all of a sudden is getting interviews? Guess he finally realized it was time for change. So he gets the job and moves to Ohio, great, but 7 months later I'm still living with my folks.
I have been looking for jobs in Ohio, daily, but I've been picky. Mainly because I've made promises to myself that there are certain types of jobs I will never do again. And even though I have a B.A., getting a good enough paying job isn't easy. I really want to stick in TV, but I no longer want to be a Photographer. This causes a problem because I'm now way over qualified to do the Production jobs so I keep getting offers to be a Photographer. There is no way in hell I am running around chasing fires and criminals again. I do it now, but not very often since I mainly edit video, which is something I love doing. Basically I have limited options for a job in a specific city and it's hurting my search.
However, I would gladly drop everything and get a job as a secretary if my man would just propose. But after six years, I'm still ring-less. Some of us girls at work have created the PEC (Pre-engagement Club) since we all have long-term boyfriends who live in another state. He says he's not waiting for me to move down there, although it's not a bad idea for us to live together first anyway. He also loves saying "don't worry about it" like he's got something all planned out and can't understand my anxiety.
Well I'm not in his head and I'm sick of people asking us when it's gonna happen. I'm tired of Mom giving me the whole "why would he buy the cow when the milk's free" analogy (BTW thanks a lot for calling me a cow Mom.) And frankly I'm starting to doubt him. Is he just putting me off because he's scared of sharing his life, or is he not sure about me anymore. He gets really annoyed when I bring it up, but c'mon I'm frustrated. I told him he doesn't need a ring and I'll even ask him if that's what he wants, but he says "no," argggg.
So I feel trapped. Trapped by my parents, trapped by my boyfriend, trapped by myself, and trapped at the thought of giving up my health insurance. I want to be an Adult, I really do, but I need something to happen, and fast.
posted by SassyJill at 9:53 PM
1 Comments:
Okay, I don't know if I've ever expressed my 2 cents on this issue Sis but I really think you shouldn't move in with him until you're engaged. I know this is not what you want to hear from me but, trust me, it's not for the same reason Mom says. I think you shouldn't do it because I think he will keep putting off the whole marriage thing as long as he can. If you are living with him I think he'll have less incentive to propose. I could be wrong, but your man is one doesn't seem too eager to walk down the aisle, but he probably likes the idea of living together. I'm just worried you could spend another 6 years lounging in living-together-but-not-engaged-ville. All of my new co-workers have been in that town for a long time and none of them seem to know when it will progress to marriage. I know you're going crazy living with Mom and Dad but I don't want to see you unhappy living with JR either. In my opinion (take it or leave it) the less "available" you make yourself the better. But, it's hard for me to give advice because my realtionship with Hubby is the total opposite of this. Good luck!
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